This is my first entry. I really need a place to vent my thoughts. I can't talk to my friends cause they just tell me to shut up and its all in my head. Here is how it is... I am 26 years old. I am gay and over-weight... that should explain alot of it there. I do have friends that claim they "care" about me and "love" me the way I am. I fake being happy every second of everyday. I wish that for once in my life I was actually happy and didn't have to fake it, but I don't know how to. I do cherish my friends, but it seems to me that everything is changing way too quickly. They all have "partners" and have someone that puts them first. I don't have that and honestly I envy that completely. I have never had someone that has put me first and I have always wanted that. No one wants me because I am fat... who wants to love or have sex with a fat person??? One of my friends, we will call him, A. He has a boyfriend, but sleeps around with many different men. That makes me so mad because he has someone that loves him but he doesn't appreciate it at all. If I had someone that loved me, I would totally appreciate everything about him. I don't understand. I guess that is all for today, I am having a hard time thinking to type anymore.