2011-04-01 05:24:02 (UTC)


I think that my marraige is in shambles. My wife tells me shes depressed but I truly believe shes depressed just because of us. We are stuggling financially, our sex life is non existant..... things in life just couldnt be going any worse. I somehow feel like im being punished by God. Like this will never get better because.... Im not in the right place. Have you ever had the feeling of being at the right place at the right time? This doesnt feel like it. I dont feel like that. It seems like I try very hard to prove that I love her. To prove that im here to stay even when things get hard. But I get so upset and tired sometimes. Its very exhausting when you feel like your the only one trying. Im not happy either! But I try to pretend for my sanitys sake. For her sanity sake. Im just dying in my own Robert Frost poem. :(.... I hate that im having trouble sleeping. I hate that I go to bed upset almost every night upset. I just dont even know what to do anymore. I dont.

I feel like im never going to find a job. I feel so pathetic. I wish I was just 5 years old again. I wish I could back in time. Even to high school. If I knew than what I know now.. I swear my life would be so different. I swear. I would have cared so much about my academics, about my baskbetball. I would have cared! God... Why am I so stupid. I dig holes so deep. Jesus couldnt lift me out of them. I dont know what to do! Im sad. I am a greater actress than I give myself credit. Because apparently no one can see. But I barely make it through my days.

I truly feel like my financial stuggles are the least of my worries. If my marraige can be fixed... Im so crazy... Why me?

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