kristytdavis

Friend
2011-03-28 00:12:51 (UTC)

March 27, 2011

First day with this journal. I've felt like I've needed to write down what I've been going through for a while now, and I think this will be a good start. Yesterday was Prom. I've never felt so beautiful before. Then I saw Will. You known those looks, when you look at someone, put your arms around someone, and you're flooded with all the memories? That was me. God, I can't believe I'm right back at square one. I'll get better one day.

This is my third month being sick. I'm now on Prednisone and Afrin. My third round of medications, and still feeling awful. My parents can't figure out what's wrong, and I keep making it worse. Ecstasy and drinking are keeping me as sick as I am, but I can't tell my parents. They would freak out. At least I've slowed down, but next weekend I'm selling more for around eighty dollars, and I'll be able to buy my next dosage. But I'm thinking about waiting until they figure out what's wrong with me.

Do you ever feel like you're completely alone? Like nothing you do is good enough, like everyone sees you, but they don't really see you? I feel like a ghost walking through the halls; I feel like a physical avatar with no mental connection. I look in the mirror and I see an empty face and hollow body with nothing to offer to anyone. How did I become this? When did this start? How can I get back to who I was?




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