z2smith

z2Smith
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2011-03-24 12:42:20 (UTC)

I don't know but moving on

Sorry diary I had a rant yesterday, I was in a poor place. I am in a better place today, but is that not the whole point, to write down how I feel good or bad.

My wife and I had a good chat last night. She explained a number of her projects currently going on at work and she also asked me some technical questions as I understand most of the programs she is managing. As per usual nowadays there was lots of cuddling overnight, again which is good. She also mentioned this morning that her contract has been extended for 6 months. They only wanted to extend for 3 months but she managed to get 6 months. This was approved by her bosses’ boss. I would have thought her boss not her would have hard to justify the extension but lately she doesn't talk that much about her boss compared to before hence my reference to "her boss" during yesterday's rant. There are a number of reasons why I suspect her boss...

CASE FOR
(1) She doesn't talk about him as much as she use to
(2) He fits the profile of who she was corresponding with i.e. initials, nationality
(3) The person she says it is left her company a few months ago yet I noticed she was paying a bit more attention to her hair, nails, shoes (buying lots), clothes etc right up to when the whole thing burst.
(4) She has now calmed down on (3) above
(5) He leaves around the corner to us and the day I knew there was something odd and checked her phone she had disappeared for a few hours doing her nails and getting groceries but that shouldn't take that long especially when the grocery shop closes at 4pm on Sunday and you get home at 5:30 pm with the groceries before going to do your nail, this is after leaving home at 2pm. I was away from home as I took my son for football.
(6) He dropped her at home after their XMas party (I was awake when she got in and told me he dropped her off)


CASE AGAINST
(1) She told me it was not him that it was someone else who has left the company
(2) She gave me information about this person and how the whole thing started. Basically he knew a lot about her project so she asked him questions and they developed a friendship which was platonic. He had problems at home with his wife (the oldest trick if you ask me) and confided in her and was envious of how loving her own marriage was. He also told her that he was having extra marital relationships but ends up damaging the lives of the girls he is involved in. According to her she was trying to help him as a friend. I am not judging these statements here I am just saying for all these information it must be an 'AGAINST' that the person will be someone else.
(3) He is a high profile manager and both of them will be very stupid to go on such tryst as he will definitely be sacked.
(4) When I was threatening to go and see the person (as I told her I had his details and home address) she played along.
(5) She thinks I saw some pictures on her phone.


My Verdict: To be honest I don't think it is him but I can't rule it out completely.

I am at crossroads on this issue. We are actually developing a good relationship at home as she cuddles me at night and very talkative and attentive when she gets back from work/before she goes to work. As I said she is constantly backing me up with the children as well. To raise the issue to know exactly who and what happen (by manning up) at this point is the easier and more dangerous of the options. Why go back to that, so as just to prove I am a man....will she think I am a bigger man for that? The more difficult option is to accept her explanations even though there are clear gaps and move on and enjoy our relationship as I love her dearly. Yes, I will have doubts but with time and if we both make our relationship work and grow into a very loving one I will get better with dealing with the doubts. This I think is the more difficult option and this I think 'Diary' is what will make me a man....


MOVIN ON.....
I have personal development targets which I hope to achieve everyday...I will try and document this and score myself out of a 100 from tomorrow.
Did I wake up early yesterday?
Did I do my exercises yesterday morning?
Did I study yesterday morning?
Did I review and attend to my trading business yesterday morning?
Did I review my kids’ school work yesterday morning?
Did I read on the way to work (in the train) yesterday morning?
Did I attend to all my work related tasks?
Did I read all my literature (magazines, online reports etc) at work?
Did I read on my way back home (in the train) yesterday evening?
Did I review any daily issues relating to my work when I got home?
Did I watch career advancement video before going to bed?
Did I take the kids to bed?
Did I read my magazines before finally falling asleep?
Did I get cuddles?

I can answer the first 6 questions relating to today but more on this tomorrow
Did I wake up early?
No!

Did I do my exercises morning?
No!

Did I study in the morning?
No!

Did I review and attend to my trading business?
Yes

Did I review my kids school work yesterday morning?
Not as much as I should have.

Did I read on the way to work (in the train) yesterday morning?
Yes


Although I have an excuse...:)...I met up with a friend of mine after work for drinks...he is going to India next week for about 2 years! He did a doctorate degree in psychoanalysis and his thesis is on something to do with how Money has taken over our world and minds especially the people in the Capital Market i.e Wall Street. He wants to go and live in some camp ruled by some weird guru...basically what I call a sect...this he thinks he has to do and he also hopes to write his theses while there....although I think he is bunkers but I admire him. He has made a decisive decision and going for it...he is not scared it is not the 'normal' thing to do...and even if it turns out to be a complete nightmare he can always come back and resume his career....he would be better for the experience and would have completed his thesis (which he plans to write in 6 months as he will be doing fu** all apart from some weird rituals, and the normal period for writing thesis is 3 years).


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