Focus
Over the hills and through the woods❣️
MY SCHIZOphRenic MOTHER !!!!!!!
Wow ! I came to tears.
I grew up with a mother who suffered
from Schizophrenia. As I walk down this scary & painful
memory lane, I recall when my mother came up to my
school. I was in the 1st grade. She had one shoe on &
it was cold outside she got my attention & told me to come
out in the hall where she was standing. I went out in the
hall & she told me the devil was trying to get her. (tears)
I had to reassure my mother (a grown woman) that she
was going to be ok & go back home. Keep in mind I was in
the first grade. That is only ONE of SO MANY times when
my mother flipped out. She was in & out of the hospital
my whole childhood. Sometimes I thought I had a normal
mother only to wake up to find out she was admitted back
in the hospital. I lost trust in her so many times because
she would get better only to go back in the hospital
because of her constant outrages.
I remember coming home from school & I see all of our
living room furniture was in the front yard. All my friends
saw this. I hated/loved her. I was so d** confused.
I do not deal with my mother.
I tried to help her so many times. I just prayed & asked
God to help her because I couldnt do it anymore.
She drained me emotionally, physically, mentally etc. I love
my mother I really do, but to keep my own sane mind
I had to let her go. I talk to her from time to time & I will
take her to the store, but thats it ! I can't do anything
for her because she doesn't feel like anything is wrong with
her. Like, is she serious? I mean she has been
dealing with this illness for as long as I can remember.
I mean I just can't & I'm at a point now to where I don't
feel bad anymore because she makes me feel as if she
doesn't care that she has emotionally drained me.
I am still
suffering from the past pain that my mom caused in my life.
I don't want to sound like I am blaming her for my issues
right now today, but geesh ! I went through a hell of a
lot as a kid. Some things I should not have gone through.
Sincerely,
RB
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