Diary of a Break Up
2011-03-21 22:14:06 (UTC)

Letter sent FEB 23, 2010


I know that I am not always good at expressing myself, but there are a few thing that I would like you to know and I thought this would be a good way of saying them without breaking down and crying.

As I mentioned to you today, not a second goes by that I don't think about you, you are in my every tought and every heart beat, these last 6 weeks without you have been intolerable for me, my heart has shattered and my eyes have dried from so much crying.

You told me once that nothing I do or say is real, that I use words to manipulate situations and I have never denied that. In the past I have done that, not because I wanted to manipulate you I did it because it's my nature but I have always been honest with you in everything that I have said or done. Not once did I lie to you, not once did I say I love you without meaning it, not once did I do something for you because I felt I had to. Everything I ever did came from the heart.

So here is my truth...........

I beleive in us and have always believed in you. Words cannot not explain at this point how sorry I am that I didn't listen to you, that I wasn't more organized that I didn't try harder to be a good mom to our babies, I'm so so sorry that I wasn't the wife you wanted me to be. I never claimed to be perfect just as I know that you are not perfect, but I always beleived that we were perfect for eachother. I wish that you can look at my many flaws and realize that mixed in with that there is also alot of good in me just as I look at your flaws and see past them, I see you.... not what you do or don't do.

There is so much good in us, we were able to through some of our most difficult times because we were together. I look back and I wonder how two people can be so crazy about one and other at one moment and then be so cold. I refuse to believe that love dies. I say this because no matter how hard I try I can't seem to get you out of my mind and out of my heart and truth be told, I don't want to get you out, because I have hope that this to shall pass and that we will be able to find our way back to eachother, to a place better than we were. I am misserable without you. I miss you more than I can ever explain. I miss us" ME and YOU" the little things we shared are the ones I miss the most

I miss waking up to your music in the morning
I miss the smell of your cologne
I miss hughing you
I miss laying next to you while we watch tv
I miss cooking for us and eating with you.
I miss being able to call you, without feeling like I'm bothering you.
I miss sleeping next to you
I miss hearing you tell me that you love me
I miss telling you that I love you.
I miss calling you sweetie
I miss you calling Honey
I miss working with you
I miss shopping together
I miss holding you hand
I miss touching your skin
I miss us

They say that for every action, there is a positive or negative reaction. I guess all the arguing and disagreeing finally took it's toll on our relatioship and it caused a negative reaction but what doesn't kill you olny makes you stronger and I beleive that we are both better people because of it. Maybe this is what it took for me to realize that all you ever wanted was a future for us but maybe you can also understand that all I ever wanted was the same thing. We were just looking at it from
different angles. I have learned so much from you.......... you have turned me into a woman that I am proud of. I wish that you could be proud of me too. I have changed and it's because of you or maybe it's for you. I think it's both.

You mean the world to me. I love you in a way that I thought I would never be able to love someone, I love you because you believed in me, I love you because you always wanted more in life, because you worked hard for everything you accomplished, beacuse you were able to cross those bridges and mostly beacause no matter how hard it got, you never gave up on you dreams. So I am asking you to please believe me when I say I'm sorry, accept the fact that I am not perfect, understand that my life without you in meaningless. I am asking you to look back at who we were and try to remeber why we stayed together for 2 years. But most of all....... I am asking you to but your most admirable quality forward and like you have done with everthing else in your life. I am asking you once again to NOT GIVE UP on us. No matter how hard it gets. We can only go up from here.

I am willing to do whatever it takes to make this realtionship work, I know that I can live without you and that you can live without me, but I don't want to. I would rather be arguing and disagreeing with you then not arguing and disagreeing without you. Because I know that in the end our love will conquer and we will get past our differences and finally become one.

Te amo con toda mi alma.


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