The Life, Times, Struggles, and Joys of
2011-03-11 23:08:00 (UTC)

Life... and Death

No one can see through my fake smile. It took me telling my best friend for her to know that I had an eating disorder. Plus, my school friends don't even know about the depression and the cutting.
I've told them so many times I want to finish my two-three books of a series before I graduate. The reason? No, not because I want to be a young author. It's because I know I'll end up committiing suicide when I leave for college. It's scary that I have it planned out. I'll take an overdose of sleeping pills or soemthing like that, painless and easy. The only things holding me here are my family and friends. Without them, when I go to college, there is no way I can deal with my inner turmoil.
I know it's going to happen and I'm truly terrified, but I also welcome it. It'll give me peace, and I won't have to deal with my negative thoughts. No, no one has really ever bullied me, but I'm the one bullying myself. I can't see any beauty in myself, well, it's rare. I'm so scared but also anticipating my "college career." I just wish I could stay on Earth long enough to see who would miss me when I'm gone, once and for all.