Listen. Don't Speak.
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Listen to your gut
In my last entries I mentioned how unsure I have been feeling towards my romantic relationship. Saturday night it officially came to an end. He cancelled plans with my friends (another couple who's married) a few hours prior. I did not want to let this slide anymore by responding to his text with a, "it's okay baby... you don't have to do anything you don't feel like." FUCK THAT!
I was upset. I was more upset because I felt like he was doing this on purpose, cancelling plans even though we've argued about this before and he isn't changing! All that I asked was that he tell me from the moment I ask him, whether or not he wanted to join us. Is that too much to ask another human being?
Anyways, 2 hours later he texted me (coward, i know) and told me that I should be with someone who is a better match for what I am looking for in a boyfriend. I responded, "don't be silly.. I just want you to tell me what you want, when I ask." He continued being 'emo', saying he isn't normal, I deserve someone better... blah blah...
I had to step away and clear my head.
I snuggled under my covers with my mom - she knew something was wrong.
We talked for a bit. Her advice (not in any order):
'You need to find someone who compliments you'
'you need someone who can support you (mentally) and your career'
'there is an intellectual gap between you two'
'you need someone you can converse with on a more educated level' 'you need to be with someone who can communicate with you.. after 15months you should know what he's going through.. but you don't and that's not okay'
After talking to her, she called me an idiot for trying to fix the relationship, when all he wants is to end it. She's right, I can't make someone stay with me- how foolish I've been.
I called him right after to try and see if it was possible to fix thing. He wasn't been cooperative: the only thing important to him was the leaf game. I sense a bit of hostility in his tone of voice... I'm being nice, it wasn't a bit.. I'm sure of it. I was so hurt with his tone and attitude that I told him I'm tired of putting things under the rug and maybe it's best to end it. He agreeed, said good-bye, and hung up the phone.
That was that.
I'm single again. I'm content, but after 15 months it was a habit texting each other in the morning, texting during the day and calling at night. I'm still trying to over come that.
I'm also content with my decision. Even though he was a great guy, I do not hate him. But in my heart, he wasn't who I wanted in a life partner. When I remind myself this- I feel better :)