The Real Me
2011-02-28 18:08:00 (UTC)

So alongside mental and disabled Im also immature and extremely childish.

So i again realized I am rather retarded and childish and extremely immature. And its getting me down because I dont know why I am the way I am. I dont even know im doing it. How do I chnage that? How do I make myself see sense? how do you train yourself to be something your not? I guess its a matter of controlling stupid urges and hopefully they go away right? Or maybe I just need councelling on how to stop being so stupid and akward.

omg im going to be an idiot for the rest of my life. Im so worried and paranoid about this right now but I really dont know what to do. Hw can i just act normal? This in itself sounds so immature. I was with M and he was doing his work I pulled his hood up and was hugging him etc, the people hes working with think im 17 and acting like an idiot he was so embrased that embarased me. And then I asked shaz and even he told me he didnt know how to tell me that in a nice way but I am extremely childish immature and weird. I just cant deal with things like this anymore. Im always lost and confused. Everything they said is true. Its like im socially retarded. Times like these I just want to jump of a cliff and kill myself because really I dont know why the fuck im still here and what Im doing. I just want to cry and that in itself makes me extremely immature. ASnd why am I like this? God fuking knows. I cant even blame them. I can only blame myself for not picking up basic skills everyone does. Its a real jab at my self confidence and self esteem.