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Dreams last night
Last night I had some disturbing dreams.
The first dream(s) I remember having I was running with some people I knew through hallways carrying baggage. I got separated from them and the next thing I knew I was not running but in chutes with cattle. It was a mass produced, manufacturing meat plant. There was a small cow beneath me with a dead cow half way hanging out of it's small mother. The mother was being crushed by the weight of the other animals. It was too small to fight. I tried to help it but was overwhelmed at what I saw. Just writing this I cannot help but cry. It is very disturbing to me.
I woke up from this with an immense amount of grief. I felt so guilty about it I had a hard time getting back to sleep. When I finally did, the next dream I had was set at work.
Before this dream started though, I have to say, as I was falling asleep, I could hear the steps of my grandfather walking by my bedside, just outside the room. It was as if I was a child again and in my old bedroom. I could hear my grandfather coughing (he smoked for many years) just as plain as if it were actually happening. I could hear my grandmother in the kitchen cooking breakfast.
When I was a child, I would lay in my bed waiting to fall asleep. When the lights were out but I was still wide awake I would hear what sounded like footsteps in the hall. I knew my grandmother was in bed and my grandfather was in the living room watching TV. The hall wasn't even that long but there was this continuous, soft, tread that was steady like a clock. I was probably around 6 at the time.
While I was falling asleep last night, hearing my now deceased grandfather moving around me, and hearing my grandmother in the kitchen, just as I had many times when I was a child, I heard those same soft 'ghostly' footsteps. A sound I have not thought of or recalled in many years.
I remember laying in bed as a child wondering if it was a ghost from the family. Perhaps a great-aunt or great-grandfather who was watching over me. I distinctly remember laying there wondering what that sound was and where it was coming from. I wondered if I was imagining it, if it was in the central air. Every night I heard it and every night I wondered, from about 4/5yo to 8/9yo.
My work dream.
I was at the restaurant I work at talking to my friend and boss. I remember I couldn't see very well. I kept straining to see but couldn't, everything was blurry. I remember my boss pointing to a table indicating that it was mine. I had forgotten about my tables. I went out to close up with my last two tables. The whole setting was dark and I couldn't see very well, you know, like dreams are, not reality.
I remember in the back of the restaurant there was like a locker room and somewhere to sort of hang out. There was a rug with candles around it that a co-worker was on or around or something. The next thing I know I went into a bathroom to change or something and interrupted someone so had to walk down the hall to the next bathroom.
When I did, I remember looking in the mirror and straining to see myself, when I finally did, there was a demon looking back at me and it frightened me so much that I instantly drew away so that my sight was blurry again, just like the rest of the dream. I remember being conscious of the fact that there was still a sleeping demon within me but I wanted it to go back to sleep, fast. It scared me so much, I wanted it hidden away, even from myself. I wanted to forget I saw it as soon as I became aware of it. It growled and rumbled and hissed at me. It stared me straight in the face while I looked in the mirror. It was only for a second but it may as well have been hours. It was terrifying.
The last dream I had was about a dog. I lived in a trailer by myself. I was quite poor. I was checking the security of the trailer when I noticed an entire side was missing (the short end,not the long side). I then saw a dog walking around and 'remembered' it was mine, sort of. I thought this dog will protect me while I sleep in the case anyone might try to enter and rob or hurt me. I started playing with the dog and he started gnawing on my arm I realized he was hungry and then thought that I had not fed him in days. I felt this horrible guilt come over me. I rummaged through my kitchen but everything in there was moldy, rotten, dead. I had nothing.
I had to borrow my friend's go-cart to go to the store to get some dog food. I went to the go-cart but then I didn't have a key. I had to search for the key. It seemed like every obstacle that could come up kept coming up preventing me from going to the store. I remember thinking that my dog would run away when I left because he was so hungry because I had not fed him. I felt so bad I cannot begin to express it. I woke up wanting to adopt a dog.
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