hopelessly bored

trial and error
2011-02-17 00:41:20 (UTC)

wow (or something like it)

i've actually been getting some really awesome feedback lately, so
thank you to my readers. it's kind of hard to believe that anyone
would care enough to read what i have to say, but it is surprisingly
nice to realize that there are people who do feel the same way i do.

even though we all hide under our masks and are unable even to
recognize each other.

it's ok. i know, i have my mask as well. i wear it well and with
pride.

although underneath the mask i am disgusted with the fact that it is
a complete social necessity.

speaking of exterior appearance, i am in the grueling process of
picking my first tattoo design.

i want a tattoo really fucking badly.

not to be sexy, like a dumb girl. or seem like a rebel. or for any
stupid reason.

simply because i like them, and i feel like so much of my
personality is hidden and i would like to be able to express myself
more.

i try to mull over each possible tattoo for awhile before i make up
my mind, and so far there is no winner.

also i'm growing tired of assholeish negative people saying "you'll
regret a tattoo when you're older. no one will ever hire you. you'll
be wrinkly someday and it will look horrible."

i have a few words for these people... mainly FUCK YOU! you think i
care? if i don't have a problem with it now, then why the fuck would
i care later?

it's like one of those things when you have two options, both with
pros and cons, and you choose one and deal with both the positive
and negative consequences.

god. i mean i seriously wonder sometimes if there is a good reason
that 99.99% of everyone is a stupid annoying piece of shit who
always feels the need to have an opinion on MY life. seriously i
dont give a fuck what you put on your body, who you sleep with, what
the fuck you do in your free time, so why are you so goddammn
concerned with what i'm doing?

shittt. it never ends, let me tell you. people just can't be decent
to each other.

i have noticed something though. when i take my anti-depressants, i
am much more social.

people don't piss me off as much.

however it's a double edged sword, because drinking while using anti-
depressants is dangerous to my health.

drinking makes me more social too.

it also rapes my liver.

well what the fuck. why do i even drink? it's funny how the only
people who know i drink are the people i drink with. not even my
roommate knows, though god knows she should since i've sat in the
same room with her, watching tv, trashed as hell before.

i... am a bad person.

and one day hopefully soon.. i will be a bad person with a tattoo.




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