Phillip Wilson

Amazingly, I survived my Life
2011-09-15 00:00:06 (UTC)

1984 REVIEW (PART SIX)

12-19 October, Bellevue/Lawrenceburg, Tn./Muscle Shoals, Al.
Russellville/Haleyville/Winfield, Al/Tupelo, Ms.
Oxford, Ms. (continues)

I completed the reading of "Assassin of Gor" last night. I "got into" this volume more than I did the other two of "The Chronicles of Counter-Earth" volumes I read. Of course, that was 2-3 years ago. It may be worth while to reread the other books; I would probably enjoy them tremendously.

(about 1:21 P.M.) It is sunny and hot.
Leslie and Bill took 2 bags of my 'junk' back to Childersburg. Now, I have only the essensials to transport.
I sent along $50 in cash to Mama for loan repayment.

(about 9:23 P.M.) The performig area was sticky weed, dirty, and rough.
Alabama surprised me - it provided large crowds for both the 4:30 and 8:00 shows, with the second one larger. Correspondingly so with the respose.

(16th, About 8:54 A.M.) A warm, humid, overcasst morning. The lot is the Lions Club Fairgrounds. Very tight quarters. no Cookhouse tent.
Come-in/Street Mime last night in Russellville was very well received, especially considering the fact the the city are Reagan and God fans. I am delighted and surprised that my type of act succeeds in towns such as Russellville, Al.
The response and reaction of the second (8:00) show was 'heavier.'
My Spec appearance was a great 'hit,' especially the second show.
4:30 was the earlier performance.
Even though Dance Parody wasn't the greatest I have presented this season, it was very well received, especially the second time.
I am still in the process of re-working Boxing - such is more difficult than I imagined - but it was enthusiasticly received, both shows.
Lawrenceburg, Tn., is also a Reagan-God Fan, but it was very kind to me.
Does mmy success in these small towns mean that people are tired of so much 'Bozo' in the Cirucs? The "experiment" with this show this year points that way.

(about 6:57 P.M.) There are on only 3 rings today. The performing surface is packed dirt. And, due to the difficulty in getting the Horses in the Big Top, there was no Spec, Manage Horses, or Liberty Horses.
The first show (6:00) has a below average attendence; a poor one if the Big Top had been of normal size.
The response to my Come-in/Street Mime wasn't bad for this ultra-conservative town. I feel I left a positive image.
Haleyville isn't a Dance town; the Dance Parody went smoothly, but it wasn't loudly received. Ther were two flash pictures taken.
I signed a cast on the left forearm of a little girl during Come-in of the first show.
I sent a note this morning to Rick Bate, the photographer from Cedarburg, Wi., who took pictures during the Stone Croft (Grafton),Wi., performances back in August, and from who I ordered 5- 8" X 10" photographs of a 'shot' of the Dance Parody, for $20, which I have not yet received. I asked that this situation be remedied.

(17th, About 9:31 A.M.) A warm, humid, overcast day. The lot is a pasture; the original lot was the new Elementary School, but the field is most likely underwater.
Ear;y this morning, around 12:30 A.M., there was a very intense rain and electrical storm. Boy, was it bad! Fortunately, all but a few of the show vehicles had moved to the parking lot of an adjacent city building, and a motel.
Speaking of the motel, Greg had a room,#302, which he offered his bath to me. And I took him up on it. A hot bath and shower. And a shampoo!
The 'house' for the 8:30 show last night was of a very small size, even for a 3-ring Big Top. It would have been pitiful in the normal 5-ring format!
But the audience was receptive to my Come-in/Street Mime. I felt good about the presentation.
Dance parody was not received with a lot of laughter. How it was received at all is hard to say.
Boxing and my attempt at re-choreographing it, will keep me from becoming bored these last 2 1/2 weeks.

(about 9:20 P.M.) Closing Day in Alabama was lousy. The performing area was bumpy and rough.
Both 'houses' were small; the second show (8:00) had the smaller one.
Artisticly, the shows were about identical. I really couldn't say which provided the best response.
Dance Parody was met with dead silence the first show - no applause whatsoever. This was the first time this has happened this season.
The second show's Dance Parody wasn't received that much better.
Boxing is slowly coming together. I have been experimenting with different movements, and have about found the right one.
I didn't think Come-in/Street Mime was so great, but the 'feel' was that the audience enjoyed it.
I must admit, the first show had more in attendence than I thought it would.

(18th, About 2:45 P.M.) A warm, breezy, partly overcast day. The sun 'comes out' every once in a while.
The opening lot for the Mississippi stand is the Tupelo Fairgrounds. It is near town.
I did Wagon/P.R. earlier today.
There are many water spots around. It must have really rained yesterday.
Tupelo is a pretty town; Not at al the 'slum' I expected.
I voted yesterday, and mailed the absentee ballot, which I received Tuesday, early this afternoon.
What will happen with me in 2 1/2 weeks?

(about 9:17 P.M.) It is gettting cooler. Light rain fell, off and on, during the late show.
The performing area is a conbination of rock, pavement, mud, water, grass, etc. - A sloppy stage.
The first show (4:30) had a below-normal number of people in attendence. The second show (8:00) had a fair 'house.'
This is the first time I have done Wagon/P.R., and the shows weren't full 'houses.'
Or would there have been even fewer people present today if I hadn't done Wagon/P.R.?
The Lawrenceburg performances 'spoiled' me - I try to compare every show that has come, or will come, to that fantastic day. I doubt if I will even have a day that presents me at my 'best,' as all the varibles did in Lawrenceburg.
And do I even went another day like that one? My presentations must be new and different each time, or they won't be the unique art form they are.
The Come-in/Street Mime of both shows was passable. Nothing great, but I, at least, didn't 'suck'!
Dance Parody was great the first show - it was received o'Kay - but Mariah and I did a pas de deux the second show due to ants 'taken over' Bob's Fat Suit. So the Dance was Improv Bozo. I didn't like it, so therefore the audience didn't, either.
I am beginning to enjoy Boxing now that the new steps are "coming into place."
And my Spec dance is more 'with it' now that I count 8/8 time, instead of 4/4 time, a suggestion that Bob Gardner, the drummer, made to me.
Ants 'attacked' me while I was presenting Come-in/juggling of the second show.
The races appear to be polarized in this area. This in the real Old South, that is glamorized. It sucks!

(19th, About 9:36 A.M.) An overcast day. It rained early this morning in Tupelo; tis lot in Oxford (whatever it is, a good deal from anything) is soft and muddy. The trucks are having a hard time getting on it.
There was a guest Clown for the second show in Winfield Wednesday night. He was a clown on Ringling for many years, having left them in 1957. He now operates a game room in Fayette, Al.
Cindy Lukas sent me a stack of resumes, Now I will try to get her to write P.R. releases for me, since she has already has articles published in art sections and magazines.
It will be a rainy day.
The brakes on the pick-up were all but gone this morning. Needless to say, I went very slow during the trip here.

(about 9:25 P.M.) The performing area was gooey mud. It wasn't so bad the first show, but during the second show, it was horrible!
It would have been a great and beautiful day if nature hadn't had such a temper tantrum.
The 4:30 show had a fair-size audience; the 8:00 had quite a large one.
The mud hampered my movements. I attempted a Come-in/Street Mime the first show in dance shoes, but didn't repeat this mistake the second Come-in. I could go so many other places wearinng boots that I couldn't in dance shoes. What I lost in freedom of movement I gained in beging able to go almost any place.
So I wore my boots during Spec.
My Come-in/Street Mime of the first show was o'Kay. I was just trying to get by.
I was more concern about keeping my balance during Spec, than gracefullness.
I wore dance shoes for Dance Parody the first show; the presentation went very good, all things considered.
I continued working in my boots for the Dance Parody of the second show; the presentation was done on the track in front of Rings 1 and 2 (even then mud was very much abound. It came across Bozo, since the Choreography had to be changed to meet the linear stage of the track instead of the round performing focus. The audience in front of the "Ballet" really roared. I didn't like the response, even though Mariah did.
Boxing is coming along greatly. I forgot a movement during the second show - the "uppercut." I had been thinking that if Flip sits on me, the bench and i will be pushed under mud.
The audience responded nicely both shows. The second Boxing presentation really received great scare reaction for the Blow-off.
I received applause for the Come-in/juggling of the early show.
I had many special responses to my Spec presentation of the second show.
It would have been great if nature had been nice. A beautiful grassy, smooth lot. Good 'houses.'
I went off to a spot in the woods and ejaculated.
I took a bath and wash my hair in a water puddle-pond this afternoon. I used water truck water (which is cleaner) to brush my teeth.

20-22 October (Saturday-Monday), Grenada/Greenwood/Clarksdale, Ms.

(20th, About 10:05 P.M.) A sunny, warm, humid day.
The lot is by a Gibson's Discourt Store. A soft, tight lot.
I am presently a a washeteria across the highway.

(about 8:50 P.M.) I had to 'string' a clothes line and hang my clothes out to dry. The dryers at the washeteria were all being used, and 2-3 were not working.
I hung clothes in shifts.
And it rained tonight. During the Come-in period of the second show (8:00) it rained hard, with heavy winds. It is still raining at present, but not nearly as hard.
Spec, Manage Horses, and Liberty Horses, perch pole, were cut from the second show. The other acts were shortened. So I really can't consider tonight's presentations a part of the attempt at great art.
Come-in/Street Mime went great, and had great reception and response. The act was a 'hit.'
I was about 5 minutes late for the Come-in of the early show (2:00). But I gave an acceptable and convincing protrayal of a Hobo/Old Man.
The performing surface was very bumpy and soft. Dancing was a bitch. Dance Parody of the matinee wasn't well received, and for the late show, it was quickly done.
The one Spec presentation was passable. Walking was the 'act' - being graceful was the added attraction.
I was concerned with moving around in Boxing, not a great presentation. The audiences of both shows roared when I got water in the face. The reaction to the Bolw-off was o'Kay.
Both shows had packed 'houses.' The one for the 2:00 show was less sophisticated than the late one.
Will the last 2 weeks of the season be "shitty" like the first part of the season was?
I mailed a letter to Cindy Lukas this morning.
I gave $5 to Dotty Stone, the Mail agent and souvenoir saleslady, for a Route Book, that will come out the last of the season.
With only 2 weeks remaining, I can see another developement in my Come-in/Street Mime Character. I think Emmette Kelly and how he would appear.

(21st, About 5:44 P.M.) A lousy day. Muddy. Rainy. Only 3 rings, because the original lot, a smooth, grassy field, was too soft for trucks and a Big Top, or anyting. So the circus set-up on an adjacent parking lot. The area is mainly rock, but there is a lot of muddy places.
A large part of the performing area was under water, Ring 2 (the ring alinement of 2,3,4, was reverse) was a mess. Dance Parody was done in Ring 4, which was mostly smooth asphalt. It was a great stage. Both shows (2 and 4:30, although both shows started late) presented the audience with great ballet.
No Spec. The one Spec yesterday was Clockwise, which gave me occassion to practice left-hand style.
Due to a threatening storm and bad-looking sky, the Boxing of the first show was sped up, It received good applause.
My introduction of Boxing of the second show was met with "the claps." I went all out in the presentation, to make up for the performance of the past 2-3 Boxing sketches. And the "busting ass" paid off with excellent audience reaction.
Come-in/Street MIme was passable. Of course, on days like this, a critique of my performance is hard to do.
On the other hand, muddy 'stages don't really afffect my Street Mime. I should improvise and play with the situation. Which is what I did today; I 'laughed' at people who didn't have on boots, but white shoes. But it felt 'Bozo.'
Both 'houses' were large, especially for a Sunday, and a muddy day. In the normal Big Top, it wold have ben a good day's business.
I received my pay of $66.51 late this morning.
No Cookhouse tent.
The pick-up didn't have any brakes this morning. What a fun way to drive! (?)
The lot is an Industrial Park.

(22nd, About 9:20 P.M.) A wet, cold, lousy day. And I mean cold! I hope this isn't an early winter.
It rained off and on all day.
The lot was originally an Old Ball Feild, but, since that local is, I would presume, under water, the circus set-up on the parking lot of a shopping center. There was 'standing' water, but at least a hard surface.
Only 3 rings; so stakes could be 'driven,' so the Big Top was staked out to trucks.
No High Wire or Flying Trapeze act.
No Spec or Manage Horses.
No Cookhouse tent.
I felt I gave a good Come-in/Street Mime presentation, one that will be remembered. The Come-in for the second show (8:00) 'felt better' than the early (4:30 show) one.
The response and reaction to my Street Mime was o'Kay.
2 Boy Scouts mimicked me behind my back during Come-in/Street Mime of the first show. My only 'escape' was the rings. Of course, these kids meant no harm; I ought to be flattered that they saw it worthwhile to imitate me. The audience might have enjoyed it, but it was annoying.
Both 'houses' were of a large size for a 3-ring circus.
I sort of enjoy a 3-ringer.
With a concrete 'stage,' Dancing was nice. Dance Parody of the first show was 'overdone,' and a lot of steps were missed and messed up; and I didn't came across as graceful and classy. The Dance Parody of the second show made up for the poor performance of the first show.
I feel the audience understood that the display was a 'historic' one.
Boxing is getting a new 'face.' It 'feels' better, and I think the people respond to it better.
I received $20 from Geary this morning for "Cherry Pie."
I sent Jesse Holt a bithhday card of Punch-out figures for his birthday anniversary, which is today or tommorrow, and wrote that I would bring a gift when I came for a visit. I only remembered his birthday yesterday.
With this lousy weather, I have survival on my mind.
My Pierot Character has 'changed' in the last week or so. Has the weather tiggered the change, or what? Something else for research.
My future after this tour ends hasn't been a concern of mine the past weeks; making it to the end of the tour has.

23-26 October, Cleveland/Greenville, Ms./Monticello, Ar.

(23rd, About 11:32 A.M.) A cold, wet, lousy day. The lot is the Fairgrounds.
There is no cookhouse tent today; instead, the tables are in the aisle of a Horse Stable.
The brakes have been fixed on the pick-up. Now, I can stop!

(about 9:21 P.M.) And is it ever cold! It must be int the high 40 degrees!!
The performing area is shity; mud and loose rock.
Everything was backwards - no backdoor, reserves on the 'wrong' side, etc.
All-in-all, a lousy day.
Both shows (4:30 and 8:00) has good atendencce. Miss Mississippi was the honorary ringmaster for both shows.
Come-in/Street was o'Kay for both shows, but the Dance Parody didn't have a suitable 'stage.' It went across to the audience though, both times.
Boxing wasn't affected by the mud. It was enjoyed both shows.
Spec went Clockwise the first show, giving me a chance to work on left-hand style. It went counter-clockwise the second show.
I wore my dance shoes for the Dance Parody of the first show; the mud and rock hampered dancing, anyway, so I stayed in boots all through the second show.
I feel the people appreciated my Come-in/Street Mime Act, and feel comfortable around it. It is a different kind of experience from the usual circus clown 'fare.'
Vince, a trumpet player, gave me 2 paperbacks today - "Character & Opinion in The United States" by George Santayana, and "The True Believer" by Eric Hoffer (which I read 6-7 years ago).
This weather is drivig me crazy!

(24th, About 11:01 P.M.) I am presently in my motel room, #37, Gilhara Motel, about a 1/2 mile from the lot. The reason I have a rooom is that this Greenville stand is a 2-dayer. It was planned as such, but tomorow's town was to be Eudora, Arkansaas. but it was cancelled. the lot was under water, and no place else could be found to set up a circus of Carson and Barnes.
So, after confirming the 2-day stand, I learned of this motel from Mike Howard, the 24-hour man, and rented one. I costed me $16.96.
The motel is across from K-Mart.
I was so good to wash the mud off me!
This Greenville stand is a Lot 'n License.
The lot is the Washington County Convention Center/Fairgrounds. The grass has patches of water all over the place, but, fortunately, it didn't rain today.
And it wasn't as cold as yesterday. I could wear my Leotard for the show.
The performing surface was gravel/asphalt.
The two shows today (4:30 and 8:00) were well attended. I got my room around 1:30 P.M., showed, shampooed, and cleaed toroughly. And I think it paid off. Although my Come-in/Juggling wasn't all that great, Come-in/Street Mime was respectable. It is becoming clearer the best 'direction' for my Character. Just "walking around," oblvious to the world seems to be my best bet. Tonight is the first time I really understood that the audience responds better to this 'part' of my act than any other.
Spec of the first show went clockwise - there were more people -offering me an opportunity of Left-hand styling. The second show went the usual way.
There was a good dance 'stage'; Dance Parody went very well, and was a 'hit'; even more the second show.
A female took pictures of the Dance Parody the second show. She was squatting on her heels in front of the reserved seats. It looked like she had a dress on. My concentration was broken in trying to see between her knees.
Boxing played well both times. The band is giving me great criticism and feedback.
During the Boxing of the second show, Greg told Flip, after she sits on my lap, to "go sit down and quit acting like a Bitch!". This tore mee up. I almost 'lost it.'
There was water puddles on the back 'track,' but at least it wasn't mud!

(25th, About 1:10 P.M.) This second day of an unplanned 2-day stand, and the closing day of the Mississippi tour, is warm and sunny. It is the prettiest day we have had in over a week! I hope this weather follow us the rest of the season!!
I checked out of my motel room around 11:20 A.M.
I ejaculated before returning to the lot yesterday for the shows.
I began the 'journey' through George Santayana's "Character & Opinion In The United Stater." It is a tough and deep book to follow.
The mosquitoes are very aggresive in this area, with all the standing water around.

(about 9:13 P.M.) It was a beautiful day; sunny, warm, humid. I hope there are more like it!
The shows were at 4:30 and 8:00. It was like the Stage - the audience sat in the reserves seats sections. Only today it didn't cost extra.
Both shows were poorly attended - around a hundred for the first show, and close to 200 for the second one. Everyone sat in the reserved seats.
A very responsive bunch, though. The intimacy I had with the audience was fantastic. I felt that my Come-in/Street Mime did 'stronger,' and that I could do each 'feeling' for a longer period of time. Alost everyone could see my act the entire Come-in period. And my style is understood and appreciated more if the whole 'show' is seen.
That is why I want a one-ring, indoor show next season.
Because of a great dance surface, Dance Parody 'played' superb both shows. And it seemed as though nearly everyone was watching Dance, and not the other Clown display (Levetation). It received good response both shows.
Boxing was well-received.
The ring alignment was reverse for the Greenville engagement.
This was 2 of the better performances I have given this season. I like the smaller 'houses.'
It is as though the more I choreograph my Horse walk in Spec, the better people react and laugh.
Ten more days!
And another state is out of the way.

(26th, About 6:04 P.M.) It was hot and sunny earlier, although it is cool now.
The lot is the Fairgrounds. And it is a 'marsh.' This morning I took a shortcut across a field and got the pick-up stuck. Several of the trucks got stuck; the cat truck ran off into a ditch at the main entrance, which is why I came in another gate. I should have followed the dirt road, but I didn't. And I should have gone fast, but I slowed down.
I was stopped by a policeman about 25 miles from Monticello. For some reason, I was weaving all over the road this morning. The policeman had followed me for a good distance, honking his horn, but only when the siren and light were on did I notice him.
He took my Driver's License number, Social Security Card, and the papers for the pick-up, and radioed them in. Everything was cleared.
So it is legal to drive with just a license number!
I guess he though I was drunk. He asked me if I had trouble seeing.
The policeman knew about Greenville, about the cancellation of Eudora. So maybe he was on the lookout for vehicles with OKlahoma license plates.
The Arkansas highway (82) is rough; and my nerves are 'shot' because Greg refuses to respect my sleep time - he plays his radio and T.V. most, if no all, of the night.
So maybe my nerves made me weave. The polce said I was in the 'other' lane.
And I was going 65. Too fast for these roads.
So today has been some day.
No cook house tent. The tables were set-up under a pavillion.

(about 9:23 P.M.) The performing area was mainly small, loose, pebbles, with grass and dirt at places. It was wet and soft in places.
Both shows (4:30 and 8:00) had a good representation of Montecello, which is a small town.
I was a usual day: the Come-in/Sreet Mime of the first show was 'weak,' the second one 'stronger.' The same with Dance Parody and Boxing.
There was no Spec today.
I felt as if I was going 'round in circles (which I was) the Come-in/Street Mime of the first show. I became bored. My presentation became mononous. I 'forced' a lot of Improv.
I made up for some of this the Come-in/Street Mime of the second show.
More people attended the 8:00 show.
Dance Parody had a good 'stage'; it was wet the second show from the elephants walking and 'dancing' on it earlier.
The only presentation I was disappointed in was the Come-in/Street Mime of the 4:30 show. I must develope, so that I can even make a so-called "bad" audience response nicely. I should be able to 'work' an audience better.
Mississippi provided good reaction, understanding, and appreciation, for my act. Thank you Mississippi!
Too bad the weather couldn't have been as 'sunny' as the audience!

27-30 October, Pine Bluff/Hot Springs/Hope/Magnolia, Ar.

(27th, About 5:57 P.M.) A beautiful, sunny day. It was hot earlier, but now it is cooling off.
The lot is the parking area of the Civic Center. The Pine Bluff-Jefferson County Public Library is across the street. I spent about an hour an 1/2 there this morning, and about 2 hours this afternoon. I read parts of a book on mine, and a dance review.
The lot is asphalt - no stakes could be driven, so the Big Top tied off to trucks.
No cook house tent.
There are only 3 rings today, and they are aliged backward.
The first show (2:00) had a small 'house'; most of the crowd sat in the reserved seats section, which was free. The rest sat in the front 'corner' section.
So it was another Stage show.
Come-in/juggling was very embarrassing - I dropped a lot. I did have the oppportunity of floor juggling.
Come-in/Street MIme played fantastic. With the small, intimate group of people, I could 'dwell' deeper into the emotions. I could lead the audience into a more intense spiritual experience.
A large part of the 'house' was handicapped, physically and mentally.
None of my presentations during the show received loud applause, for obvious reasons. But I feel they went well, and were appreciated by the audience.
I was especially pleased with the Dance Parody.
The mosquitoes are horrible at present!
There can be no trapeze of High wire act today, since no stakes can be driven.

(28th, About 10:36 A.M.) (Daylight time ended early this morning, so clocks and watches were set-back an hour).
The lot is the Fairgrounds. It is a cloudly, wet day. A muddy lot. It is not raining now, but it sure has been.
I received my weekly $66.51 just a few minutes ago.
The 8:00 show last night has a few more people than the early one. Artisticly, I did my usual thing - my presentations were 'tighter' the second time around.
Is it because I get use to the people during the first show?
No reserved seats sold the 8:00 show, either. And, again, a Stage format.
Since the second show had mostly the 'normal' people, they were vocal in their reactions and appreciation.

(29th, About 10:07 A.M.) A beautiful, sunny, warm day. The lot is a K-Park parking lot.
I received $20 from Greary for the 'Cherry pie' I do.
There were no electricity to the Backyard yesterday, so I couldn't record an account of the shows.
The performing area was small stones, with muddy places scattered around.
There were only 3 rings yesterday, and it was reversed in alignment.
I wore my boots for Come-in and Boxing. There were no Spec.
Dance shoes were wore for the Dance Parody.
Come-in/juggling wasn't that great for either show (2 and 4:30); Come-in/Stret Mime went o'Kay. I was distracted the first Come-in by a beautiful redhead in a skirt, with her feet on the seat below her. If I have had on glasses, I could have caught a glimpse of panty. My stare was probably obvious, but I could not get her to spread her knees.
There was a very large crowd fot the first show, especially considering it was Sunday. My Come-in/Street Mime was enjoyable to them, I feel, and was a worthwhile "job." I felt good about it. And I tink the audience did, too.
The 'stage' was great for Dance. Dance Parody went very smoothly. My jetes are improving tremedously. It is becoming a great piece, now that the season is all but over.
The audience was busy talking among themselves, and otherwise distracted to give their full attention to the presentation. But there were those present who understood the significants of what they were seeing.
Boxing is becoming a 'fun' piece. And I think it shows.

(about 11:04 A.M.) The 4:30 show went better yesterday. The size of the 'house' was about the same, but I received better vibes from the audience. My imagination, or was I warm-uped more from the earlier show?
I was especially pleased with Dance Parody, which received a better applause response, even for the introductory bow.
My Come-in/Street Mime received an ovation.
It is an interesting developement of the Character change of Dance Parody to Boxing. I believe the audience appreciates it, and is very much entertained and delighted by it.
I took a hose bath yesterday before the shows.
What direction is my 'character' headed? I think that, maybe, I have exhausted all possibilities with this show.

(about 5:48 P.M.) There are only 3 rings today. The performinng surface is grassy, with rocks all around, some small "boulders," especially towards the front entrance.
It is a Lot 'N License date. Originally, Prescott, a small town about 15 miles away, was the scheduled stand, but the sponsors, Jaycees, disbanded. So the Fairgrounds were rented by the circus.
Everything is spread out. The Front Yard and horses are on one side of the grounds; everything else is over here.
The cook house tables are under a small 'shelter.'
It was a pretty good showing for the first show (4:30). I feel pleased with my presentations. The introductory bow of Dance Parody received a good round of applause.
No Spec today.
I did P.R. with Greg (walking stilts) early this afternoon. Flip was to have gone and handed out "flyers," but is drunk. So I handed out some, place some in stores, and threw the rest in the trash.
And Flip is the Boss Clown?
I figure my act is enjoyed by people who are sick and tired of the usual shit that passes for Circus Clowning. I try my best to cover for my fellow 'Clown.'
I saw TERROR IN THE AISLE at a near-by cinema last night, for $4.50. This film is a commerical 'study' of why people come and view Horror movies. Scenes from so-called "classics" were shown.
I went to the 'flick' to see a new horror movie, which I love, no and antholgy of old ones, even though a lot of the ones that 'showed" were good ones.
I may have a passeger the rest of the season - a Don, a 40'ish guy who works in the Elephant department. He rode with me Sunday and Monday mornings.
It has turned cool, and the mosquitoes are out.

(about 10:01 P.M.) Following the normal pattern, the second show (8:00) had a larger 'house.' And the response and reaction to me was greater. Either I used what I had more thoroughly, or it was a more 'playful' audience.
All my presentations played better.
I took a hot shower about a half-hour ago; this Fairgrounds is also a camp grounds, and there are bath houses by the Front Yard side of the lot.
People bitch, maybe justly, of the cost of the Circus. It is my sincere hope that I justify the money they spend. I try to.

(30th, About 5:59 P.M.) A 2-ring circus today. If it had been organized more artisticly. it would have been a great medium, but both ring curbs were used by the Clown displays. Two clown presentation, side by side, as it were , is shitty.
The original lot, a park, is 'under water,' so the Circus was set-up in the parking lot of a shopping complex (although only one store, Sears, is still in business). It is tight, but 2 rings could fit.
The cookouse tables were set-up on the sidewalk in front of an out-of-business store.
The performing area is gravel/asphalt, with water puddles at places.
It was a full house for a 2-ring tent. There was no Spec for this 4:30 show, but my other preentations went o'Kay, considering the stupid way the clown 'gags' were handled.
It would have been so simple to have one clown display at a time. Or one in a ring curb, and one outside. But, No!, they can't handle a 2-ring show!
I enjoyed a good Come-in/Street Mime. It was an intimate audience arrangement. I was able to play to everyone, without repetition or boredom, or forcing it. That is the only good time I got, artisticly, for this very rare Carson and Barnes 2-ring Circus.
The sponsors were the Jaycees.
Incidently, there were 2 local clowns Sunday. When one saw me in my get-up, she called me "typical." Did she mean "traditional?

(about 9:13 P.M.) This second show (8:00) is a little smaller in size than the first show, as far as the 'house' is concern. And the audience is couposed of rednecks and country bumpkins. They do "cat calls at the female performers.
My Come-in/Street Mime the second time was more 'with it' than it was the first show, when it felt like I was wandering aimlessly, and grasping at any loose ends.
The response to the second show Come-in/Sreet Mime was more 'open' and vocal. I could read enjoyment, understanding, and appreciation on their faces.
Dance Parody and Boxing was performed in the other ring from the first show, due to the fact that Mariah and Bob's dog act didn't succeed in during the first show because the dogs played in the water in the ring. So we switch. It wasn't a good dance stage, though.
Dance Parody went well, although it wasn't applauded too enthusiasticly. Several pictures were taken of it, though.
I am very pleased with the way Boxing had turned out.

31 October (Wednesday), Harmony Grove, Ar.

(About 9:16 P.M.) Actually, this in Harmony Grove, a suburb of Camden, and location of the Fairgrounds, today's lot.
It was sunny and warm today, and humid.
No cookhouse tent.
The performing area (3 rings) was small pebbles, and patches of grass. The shows were at 4:30 and 8:00.
Both shows had very small 'houses'; the first had a little more people in attendence than the second show.
No reservd seats, so the 8:00 show was another Stage Show. The first show would have been, too, if not for a group of nursing home residents, who sat on the back side.
Come-in/Street Mime was long, and close to being repetitous. I did present two good 'shows,' but I almost became bored each time.
There was Spec; I am beginning, with only 4 days remaining in the season, to find the right "dance wave." Of course, it is never too late!
This being Halloween, a lot of kids were made-up and in costumes, especially the second show. And a lot of the parents were drunk.
One lady, with 2 small children, who was in attendence at the 8:00 show, was shouting and 'bogying' out!
One woman at the second show gave me a 'lusty' look, but it was probably in play.
Dance Parody was a 'hit,' especially the second show, when almost everyone in the audience was watching it, instead of Levitation.
Boxing is getting 'tighter.'

1-3 November (Thursday-Saturday), DeQueen, Ar./Mount Pleasant, Tx.

(1st, About 2:41 P.M.) The lot is the Fairgrounds. Everything is 'cramped' together. The cookhouse table are under a 'barn.'
It was muddy and soft when the Circus pullled in this morning. And since about noon, it has been raining hard; at one point, strong winds threatened the Big Top.
I went in search of a gallon of drinking water (I 'ran' into E. Jay, and he was with me). The small store not far from the lot didn't have any, so I (we) had to go to a store downtown (which isn't far away, fortunately) But we got 'trapped.' I bought water, and headed back 'home,' while E. Jay went to a cafe. I was soaked coming back.
It is still raining 'hard.' The Big Top area is a flood. So I have no idea, or care, how my presentations will go.
Soon, all this will be over -it I can make it!
There's no business like show business!!

(about 9:05 P.M.) Closing stand for Arkansas. And the performing area was very soupy. A 3-ring show, and every ring was a "bowl of cereral."
The only thing I can be proud of is my Come-in presentations. Both shows had very large 'houses,' and they responded and acccepted me nicely.
The second show (8:00) had a more 'vocal' audience than the first show (4:30).
No Spec, for obvious reasons.
Dance Parody was done in boots. Only my carry-over popularity from Come-in made it a 'hit.' Dancing in cowboy boots cannot be graceful.
Boots did not affect Boxing, although runnng was slippery.
I had a momentum established at the beginning of Come-in/Street Mime of the second show, and almost lost it. I must learn how to play my audience more. It was a very responsive crowd, and I should have been able to get more out of them!
I did not have time for a Yoga-Warm-up period before either shows today. But I guess by now the energy is easier to call up.
I wish I knew what it is that triggers a great performance! I could bottle and sell it!!
The mud and deep water inside the Big Top gave me 'new' material. Maybe this inspired my Come-in/Street Mime. I used the situation as much as I though best.
Only Texas remains to be 'played,' the third, and, my last, time for this circus!

(2nd) A beautiful, sunny, 'coolish' day; a typical autumn day.
The lot is next to the Civic Center.
It is an off day; Atlanta, Texas, was scheduled for today, but the lot engaged was under water, and there was no other place for a big circus in that small town. It was a Lot 'N License date, so it was cancelled.
So we are here in Mount Pleasant for 2 days.

(3rd, About 10:17 A.M.) It is sunny, and cool. It was downright cold last night.
"Winter" begin Thursday noght in DeQueen.
I return to the developement of 4-ball juggling yesterday. The display is improving.
I washed clothes yesterday, and packed away most of my stuff.
I am beginning to concentrate on my recorder more.
With a day off so near the closing of the tour, it will be hard to return to the enviroment of this show for 4 more shows. I would have perferred that there had not been a day off at the late stage in the season.

(about 3:16 P.M.) The sun is bright, and it has 'warmed' to the mid-60 degrees.
The crowd for the 2:00 show is very large. And they seemed to have accepted my Come-in/Street Mime.
But I could really feel the "day off." The momentum and energy wasn't there.
The audience responded to my Come-in/Street Mime, and provided situations with which I could 'play,' but I had to 'force' it, the 'top' was turned off with the No Show day yesterday.
It is a 3-ring show. The surface is a kind of asphalt. So it was a good stage for the Dance Parody, which was received with a sophisicated ovation.
Spec was held. My Horse 'dance' is 'running' smoothly.
Boxing is getting to be a 'ballet' like it should be. I hope the 'guts' makes-up for the corny, old Blow Off!
My Come-in/juggling inspired a photograph, just like it did in DeQueen Thursday.
Is there life after Carson and Barnes Circus?

(about 9:15 P.M.) The second show (8:00) has more people than the 2:00 performances, with a more varied representation of this area.
But I feel the first show was my best artisticly. The Come-in/Street Mime, and my other presentations, of the second show were well received, but the first show still afforded me a better performance opportunity.
Was it because, for the second show, I wore a thermal shirt under a red Body shirt? Maybe my physical movements were restricted, even though the Body shirt is 'stretchy'?
Dance Parody, the second time, was especially 'off.' The dancing wasn't smooth, with each step flowing into another one.
One more day! Can you believe it?

4 November (Sunday), Commerce, Tx.

(7:25 P.M.) Well, it is over! I am not an out-of-work Mime. I hope it is not for long, though.
The last lot of the 1984 Carson and Barnes Circus tour was downtown, near the town square, in front of the Trailways Bus station. The lot was originally a sports arena, but that must have been too wet.
The Front Yard, Cookhouse, and Pie Car were about 1000 yards further away.
Shows were 2:00 and 4:30. Both has nice crowds, for a Sunday. Of course, there were a lot "Friends" from Hugo in attendence.
It was a 3-ring circus. The performing area was asphalt.
I wish that I could say the final 2 Come-in/Street mime presentations were the best of the season, but they were average. Both 'houses' accepted my act, and seemed to enjoy, understand, and appreciate it. But no special power or energy 'caried it.'
No Spec today, because the horses were down by the Cookhouse. So I couldn't pay tribute to my 'horse.'
The stage was great for dance, and I did the Dance Parody to the best of my ability. It was a 'hit' both times, although it has received better receptions.
I lost a heel from my right dance shoe the first show, so I had to dig out my spare pair, which was packed away. This spare pair has a split along the outside front of the sole of the right shoe, but it held together for the Closing show.
Boxing was just 'finding itself,' and now the season is over.
A lot of people - students, I guess, from a local university - were taken photographs. The Dance Parody of the first show, alone, had 5 or 6 surrounding the ring.
I received 2 weeks pay this morning - my pay for this past week and the "Hold Back" week, each $66.51.
In packing, I discovered that it will be best to purchase a cheap trunk, rather than cram all the stuff I have into 2 half-broken suitcases. I will probably go shopping at Walmart's, about 1/2 miles from Winter Quarters, tomorrow. So I may not can get out of Hugo until Tuesday.
It is unbelievable the artistic success I have had this season. I am still, and will for a good while, trying to figure out how it all came about. It is as though, through mediaion, some inner force took over.
Or maybe I resigned myself to the fact that Circus is my forte, my best medium.
Whatever it is, I have astonded myself at what I have accomplished.
I have proven, contrary to the philosophy of Billy McCabe, the producing 'clown' of Circus Vargas, that mime will work in the Circus.
I have learned that people do know what Mime is.
My research has proven that audiences appreciates the difference between the usual Circus clown Bullshit, and my 'stuff.'
I feel I addes 'class' to this show.
The individual costuming of the acts 'competed' with my wardrobe, I sincerely believe.
I learned I could do elementary ballet!
I provided visual images that has since become a part of art and photographc exhibits.
Like fossils from undergrounds and 'findings' from Outer Space. it will be a long time interpreting the results of this Great Experiment of 1984!
I just hope that what I learned will get a chance to 'bloom' on other outlets!

5-7 November, Hugo, OK./Paris/New Boston, Tx./Texakana, Ar.
Little Rock, Ar./Memphis, Tn.
Florence/Cullman/Birmingham/Childersburg, Al.

(5th, About 1:24 P.M.) It is a sunny, warm, beautiful day!
I received $20 this morning for the final week of "Cherry Pie." I don't guess I will get a bonus, or paid for driving the pick-up.
By the way, I am at Winter Quarters, having arrived around 8:45 A.M.
The first major thing I did was to go to Walmart. I got a ride with Pat White, and Pebbles, after having walked about 1500 yards.
I spent close to $35 on a pair of shoes ($5), a pair of trousers (about $13), and a shoulder bag (about $11), plus a block set for Jessie's bitheday.
I was picked up by Dana Fulton, and brought back to the lot.
I am all packed and awaiting a trip to the Trailways Bus Station in Paris, Texas. Tom Stahl has already taken one load, and will make a second one, in my 'former' pick-up, upon his return.
Once I get away from here, I can analyss the Experiment more thoroughly. But first, I want to get the hell away from here!

(6th, About 8:17 A.M.) My 'home' last night was Room #24 of the Embers Motel, at 1907 Lamar, were I still am.
Bob Gardner, the drummer, and I rented together. It was $14.43 apiece.
I finally got away from Winter Quaarters around 5:00 P.M. And was it wonderful to be away. I hope to never have a connection again with Carson and Barnes Circus!
Geary Byrd did not say one word, or really acknowledge my existence, to me during the period I was at Winter Quarters. I guess he had gotten all the sevice he could out of me, and that I would provided; so I was desregarded.
My usefulness was judged by the non-performing services I furnisn the show. And since I concentrate on Mime, and don't drive a Tractor-Trailer, I am not needed with the outfit. I was not asked back, like I knew I wouldn't!
To them, the job of Clown was a 'plaything,' something to do when all other work is completed. It is just putting on make-up and a funny costume!
I want no part of that way of thinking!!
I purchased bus fare to Childersburg last night for $71. This is a carrier around 8:05 P.M. that will get me there, and I will, most likely, go tonight. There are schedules around 1:00 A.M. and 5:30 A.M., but those are out of the question!
I sent 2 pieces of luggages on ahead, and I hope they are at the Trailways Station in Birmingham when I get there.
I had Chinese food late last night; it cost about $5.99.
Bob Gardner is a drunk, racsist, and a bum!
A lot of former Circus people were leaving from the Bus station last night.

(about 3:17 P.M.) I am 'based' Presently in Room #14 of the Embers Motel; Bob Gardner rented a single room, since I will be leaving on the 8:15 P.M. Trailways Bus.
It is a beautiful sunny day, a typical autumn day.
I visited downtown Paris earlier. At the Salvation Army Thrift Store I purchased a hardback book, "Tales of Land and Sea" by Joseph Conrad, 2 pairs of panties, and a pair of "silk" pajama-like trousers, all for $1.05. I tied to reveal myself as I tried on a pair of white trousers, but I had no 'takers.' And no female played 'game.' Oh, well!

(7th, About 1:03 A.M.) I am presently at the Trailways Bus Station here in Little Rock. Just a few minutes ago did I 'debus' from the carrier from Texarkana.
It was around 11:00 P.M. last night when I 'escaped' from Texarkanna. The bus travelled I-30, repeating is reverse, some of the 'jump' I made from Hot Springs to Hope last week.
A bus took me from Paris, Tx, around 8:25 P.M. It was around 10:30 P.M. when it arrives at the Texarkana terminal.
I took off all my clothes during the latter part of the Paris-Texarkana trip; only 5 people, including me, bussed out of Paris. The other four were gone by New Boston.
So I sat in the rear of the bus and took off my clothes. Before the actually strip, I had experimented with bus 'nakedness'; finaly, I tried it.
I rode nude about 10 minutes. It felt great!
I transferred to a second vehicle in Texarkana, and will board a third one around 2:30 A.M.
It is cool outside.

(about 5:20 A.M.) The Trailways Bus Station in Memphis, Tennessee. It was 3:00 A.M. when I was 'whisked' out of Little Rock, and it was close to 5:15 when the bus pulled into its Memphis home.
It is my understanding that it will be 8:00 A.M. until I can catch a bus out of this town.
I slept the entire Little Rock-Memphis non-stop 'run.'
Who came by the Paris bus station on business right before I boarded a bus but Luci, Chava, Alfredo, and Alejando Ranos? I was hoping I would never see most of the people I worked with on Carson and Barnes Circus, again! Luci even shook my hand and asked if I was coning back next year!!

(about 2:59 P.M.) Birmingham Trailways Bus Terminal, on a lovely autumn day. I am presently sitting in the bus that will complete my return to Childersburg. That bus will depart Birmingham in about 20 minutes.
The bus arrived at the Birmingham station around 2:30 P.M., having left Memphis around 8:00 this morning, with major stops in Florence and Cullman.
I called Steve when I got into the station. I made 'reservations' for next Friday for a visit, because I may work an Arts and Crafts show November 17-18 in Eastlake Park.
I also called Mama to ask that someone meet me on the Highway when I debus. Joyce will be up there around 4:00 P.M.
So I will soon be busy again with correspondencce and sorting out 'stuff.'
Ronald Reagan, by a very large landslide, defeated Walter Mondale to win a second term as President of these United States.
Any symbolic parallels to my career?

(about 8:16 P.M.) I am at Mama's house in Childersburg. I debused around 4:05 P.M., on th Highway 280, and Joyce, Mama, and David, were waiting for me with Joyce's car.
It is strange being in this house again. Actually, I appreciate the place more when I only 'visit.'
I have begun to sort through all the stuff I accumulated, and tha mail I got in the months I was on the road.
Mama has quite smoking.
I have met Luci, Mama's puppy. It is slowly warming up to me.

8-9 November (ThursdayFriday), Sylacauga/Childersburg, Al.

(8th, About 8:15 P.M.) It was a sunny, beautiful autumn day; coolish and nice.
I sent a note and resume to John Strong this afternoon, in the hope that I can get a job on one of his Christmas shows.
My first full day back in Childersbrg, and it is becoming as it was before I went on tour - reading, eating, exercising, praciicing juggling, etc; keeping in shape. All this is important, though, and it must be done.
4-ball juggling is getting better.
I wrote a 'thank you' letter to Bobbi Camillo, the artist who drew pictures of me, and gave me confidence. Bobbi is one of a few people who will be recognized as a force that developed and lead my act. I will mail this letter tomorrow.

(9th, about 6:35 P.M.) Another beautiful, sunny, autumn day. It was in the mid-60 degrees F. this afternoon.
I wrote a 'thank you' not to Ed Martin, the photographer who included me in his photographic study of the Circus this past season.
I spend a long time on letters, and 'rack' my brain on the right message and composition. I want the grammer and syntax to be correct. Who knows, it could be of value in the future?
I think all'"geniuses" have a closeness to the future, and can feel their own greatness. They have a sense of history, and feel the unity of it, and understand their place in it. Everything they do is 'controlled' by how it will fit into the whole of things.
I called Rick Bate, the photographer who captured the Dance Parody on film (2 movements, anyway) was Carson and Barnes Circus played Stone Croft (Grafton), Ws., in Ausgust, and from whom I sent a $20 Posatal Money Order in August for 5 reproductions, around 5:05 P.M. today (I called yesterday, but a female told me he wasn't in). I explained to Mr.Bate who I was, and that I had not received the photographs I ordered. His reason (or excuse) was that he had just recently returned for a month-long session of 'shooting,' and is in the process of filling the orders.
He complimented me on my act, but was this only good business?
I got a replacement Driver's License in Sylacauga this morning for $1.50.
I am eager to get back to work. Hopefully, it won't be long until I am!

11 November (Sunday), Childersburg, Al.

(About 7:01 P.M.) It was a very cool day. The temperatures are scheduled to dip into the low 40 degrees F tonight. I guess winter is here.
I wrote Doug Green, another photographer who chose me as a subject for a study of the Circus this passed tour, a thank you note, and will send it off, hopefully, tomorrow.
It was a week ago that I became an out-of-work Mime. This is my fourth day in Childersburg. And I find myself in the same routine as before I went on the 1984 tour - reading, juggling, exercising, doing domestic things, etc. After the 'high' of the artistic success I enjoyed with the circus, it is hard to again get into such a routine schedule.
But the reading, exercising, juggling, domestic things, etc., are all important to the energy level and force necessary for the style of Mime I present.

(about 9:07 P.M.) Dedication and confidence is vital to Mime and the other performing arts. 1984 will go down in history as the year that I finally, at 34 years of age, got the dedication and confidence I needed to improve and develope a Mime style. Youth will only take one so far.
But this same emotional state that brings about dedication and confidence, makes it rather difficult to endure the same life in Childersburg that I was subjected to before I was "raised to a new level."
There have been numerous articles the past several dealing with sucess and how it is obtain. For the sake of this discussion, 'success' will be defined in terms of riches and fame.
All sources state that success can by yours by 'going and getting it.' But I have yet to learn any particulars.
What more should I do to get jobs and outlets? I have the talent - does this, or should this, mean that I will be 'swamped' with offers?
How long can I emotionally survive as an out-of-work Mime? Can I really live in Childesburg as I did before the Miracle?

13 November (Tuesday), Childersburg, Al.

(About 8:58 A.M.) It is a cold 42 degrees F, but sunny snd beautiful. There were frost on the ground this morning, and the weather was high 20 degrees F.
Since Mama has quite smoking, I find I can do without cigarettes. I have not had one since early Wednesday afternoon, while in travel. Because cigarette smoke has a stench that would be apparent, and since I have no place to 'steal' cigarrettes, I will not smoke at the Childersburg home.
I hope this moratorium will carry over to traveling.
I am ready to get going on my next tour.
Why haven't I heard from Big Appple Circus? Is this a good sign?
Is Big Apple the same 'style' as Circus Vargas - the clowns are all the same type (wig, big shoes, "Clown" costume, etc.)? Would it be a good outlet for me?

(about 7:20 P.M.) It was in the low-60 degrees F this afernoon, but it is cold at present.
I ejaculated this afternoon. But the thrill is gone. Sex seems like such a mundane, low-class, activity, after the 'height' that I climbed.
That is why I need another show quickly - I don't think I live on the level I find life is in Childrsburg.
My situation here in Childersburg is like another planet, another time period, from the 'Artistic high' I lived in this past tour.
I don't think I can tolerate for long the low-midle class, common man - rascist, close-minded, domineering, patronizing, etc. - atitude of Mama and Joyce.
Of course, my big fear now, is losing what I accomplished.

14 November (Wednesday), Childersburg, Al

(Abut 6:03 P.M.) It was up to about 76 degrees F this afternon. Early morning was cold, though.
My "tennis elbow" (bursitis) is betting worse, so I am having to give my right arm a 'vacation'; I wouldn;t be juggling for 4-5 days, and will 'carry' my arm in a sling a lot.
For $7.50, I got my 'tails,' black dinner jacket, black vest, and a sweater, dry cleaned at Taylor's Cleaners here in Childersburg.
I went to visit Norma Davis, with Joyce and Mama, this morning. He cancer-ridden body is a pitiful sight. I would have never recognized her emaciated face. She is just another case for her nurse, but to one who has known her for over 15 years, her jovial, easy-going, former self, her decline is a shock.
She is not expected to live much longer.
Is it important that I get special treatment at 'home'? What is more important, my art or me?
I often wonder if I would have reach the level I now occupy if I had gone with Circuses more than I have.
But I do feel scholarship has been an important step in my development. The Baha'i Faith also contributed.
If I never work as a Mime again, the 'stuff' I presented during this just-completed circus tour was of such an intensity that it would suffice for a lifetime!
How could I even 'top' it?
Of course, I want to find out!

15 November (Thursday), Childersburg, Al.

(About 6:07 P.M.) It was sunny, and around 75 degrees F., this afternoon. Of course, it is getting cooler.
I typed a letter and sent it, along with a resume, to Kaye Continenttal Circus, based in Hollywood, Ca. I will go back to 'knocking on doors' until another project comes along.
I ejaculated this morning.
There is one big advantage of having a 'bum' right arm. I am forced to use my left arm more. Such will help me control that side better.
I am practicing juggling 2-balls with my left hand only.
Childersbutg is the same as when I left it in March (except for Norma). That is why I find it hard to believe that I was really one of the best and classiest Clowns with any Circus in the world for 33 weeks!
Ot was it a dream?

17 November (Saturday), Childersburg, Al.

(About 3:02 P.M.) Today is a beautiful, sunny day, colder than it has been. A nice autumn day, though.
Looking back over the years, I judge 1977 and 1980 as 2 bad years. 1977 was the worst - that year only 2 different Clown outlets (althouth the Baha'i Tent Proclamation in Jasper, Alabama, was a 4-5-day stand). Of course, 1977 was a year that I was able to be a full-time uncle, that I was able to spend lots of time with Leslie and David, and sat with Joyce a good deal.
This "domestic" phase, most likely, contributed a great deal to my artistic developement, even though I may bemoan the inactivity of that year.
Wanda Smith also happened that year. This was my last deep 'friendship' with a female. The influence on my career will be judged by history.
My film 'debut' took place in 1980. The experience of working as a major 'extra' for KENT STATE was benefitual.
I can only remember one Clown outlet that year - the grand opening of a Coca-Cola Bottling Plant.
History will show that my growth and development was late and slow.
Inactivity and vacation is getting old; I am anxious to return to continue and begin another experiment, with Mime actively.
Of course, I will never be able to make-up for 1977 and 1980 - artisticly, though, 1984 had more than compensated for these bad years.

18-19 November (Monday), Childersburg, Al.

(19th, About 7:05 A.M.) A warm, but wet and cloudy morning. It got into the low 80 degrees F. yesterday afternoon.
I typed a letter to the Festival of Trees Committee last night. This event is a Flea Market-like festival that will be held November 28-December 2 in the South Exibition hall of the Civic Center in jBirmingham. It is a benefit for The Children's Hospital.
I volunteered my talents.
The letter, along with a resume, will be mailed to The Children's Hospital, today.
I have been back in Childersburg almost 2 weeks, and already I am getting 'stir crazy'! Mama is her old self - domineering, possessive - and is very unsupportive of my career. This has been one of the reasons for my history of artistic inactivity. I have never had someone to push me along and offer encouragement; in theory, one's family should provde support, but minne has never done so.
So after Thanksgiving I plan to spend about 4 days with Mary and Steve in Birmingham; then I will most likely 'work' the Festival of Trees.
I am hoping that I will 'hear something from the 'job applications' I have out, by the first part of December. I want to be able to leave after the Festival of Trees; anywhere, but I can't stay in Childersburg and at Mama's house - I can not accept the, unconsciencly, emotional way I am treated. I got to get "on my own," and get jobs, and maybe I, then, won't be so quick to point the blame at other people. If I fail, it will be all my doings.
Of course, I don't know where I will be going.

(about 3:43 P.M.) It has been a cold, miserable, wet day. The temperature only reached the high 50 degrees F. Light rain fell off-and-on.
I received te 5-8" x 10" prints of th Dance Parody, from Rick Bate in the mail this afternoon.
Now, if I would only receive the Route Book of the 1984 season of Carson and Barnes Circus that I paid $5 in advance for, and suppose to have sent to me, and if I get back the videocassete of the Dance Parody that I submitted to Paul Binder and Big Apple Circus, complete with pre-paid address, return envelope, I can 'clear out.'
Viewing the photographs of Dance Parody makes me wonder why Big Apple has yet to contact me about the 'piece.' It was such a beautiful 'number,' that it shouldn't be alowed to 'die.' It must find 'life' somewhere else.

20 November (Tuesday), Childersburg, Al

(About 8:28 P.M.) It was a cold day; the temperature didn't get above the high 40 degrees F. It was sunny this morning, but became overcast later in the day.
For $5.00 I got my hair 'styled' by a young lady (Georgiana [?]) who has only recently taken over the management of a Hair Cutting place on Hwy 280, a half of a building, the other half Leach's Groceries. A nice looking lady, but a wife and mother.
I have spent many years trying to escape the realism of my speech inpediment. I must come to 'grips' with it. I will never be a public speaker, or a conventional actor. I will have to study harder to compensate for any developmental deficiency the speech impediment has caused.
One reason that I 'get into' my Clown Character is that, through it, I am attracked to females. The real me is not. My Character must not be an escape for me.

21 November, Childersburg, Al.

(About 6:28 A.M.) It is rather cool this morning.
The state of the economy is confussing and troubling me. Conflicting reports are given. President Reagan and his administration are telling the country that it is improving. In my travels, I have seen towns that have many closed stores and bankrupted businesses, though. The opposition, and some of Reagan's own 'people,' are also pointing out and predicting a bad money situation.
How will the economy affect my next job? Will I be forced to take what I must, or have I reached the 'point' where I can choose, and wait, for what I want?
Carson and Barnes Circus is a most degrading and humiliating organization, with a 'neanderthal' mentality, but it was a job with a guaranteed weeekly salary, small as it was. Will I be forced to return to its employ?
I have developed an act and Character that would be a great addition to any Circus. So why hasn't Big Apple 'snatched' me up? What else must I do to "insure" myself guarantee employment in the Mime field?
Circus Vargas, Clyde-Beatty-Cole Bros. Circus, and International All-Star Circus are 3 media that won't let my style of Clowning be featured wih their Clown Alleys,; not that I would want to appear whth them. Is Big Apple Circus of a similiar situation? Will that show not feature Mime? Is it 'hung up' on Modern Circus Clowning (wig, big shoes, 'funny' costume, etc)?
What will become of me!

(about 2:28 P.M.) The sun is 'out'; it has warmed since this morning, but it is still cool.
It cost me $2.95 to send the 8" X 10" photographs of the Dance Parody to Lee, and to Linda.
I received a called feom a woman with the Festival of Trees - I will be a featured act at the Festival next Thursday and Friday, from 4:30-8:30, and possibly other days.
I won't be receiving pay for these Birmingham appearances, but I will be 'building' for another 'high-level' outlet, as this past Circus tour was. I may be another 2 years, but I want any tour to be of a high quality, not just a job.
It's interesting how I arranged an '84 Carson and Barnes connection, and not one the year before; I would not have had a chance to 'shine' in 1983. Track 'gags' took over the Come-in period, which is a odious style to me, and there was no Dance Parody. So I guess it was a Case of being in the right place at the right time!
And I am going to wait for that to happen again!!

22-25 November, Childersburg/Hoover/Birmingham, Al.

(24th, About 7:39 A.M.) I am at the new Eastlake residence of Mary and Steve.
I left Childeresburg with them Thursday (Thanksgiving) around 6:00 P.M.
Jesse has been bugging the 'hell' out of me! He is a brat! I doubt if I will come back for a visit.
At the moment he is trying my patiences! (continued)




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