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2011-02-14 16:50:18 (UTC)

big catch up!

okaay, when i last wrote in here i was with alex, i broke up with him
a couple of weeks ago, i told him it was because of the stress of
having to do alot at home, but it was also because of him always
relying on me, if that makes me selfish then im sorry but we're 14
and you shouldn't feel the need to rely on your boyfriend/ girlfriend
yet. to make me a further bitch im actually going out with another
guy called David, he told me he liked me a while ago and he seemed
really sweet, hes had depression before and had a breakdown in
september, hes sweet and everything and obviously todays valentines
day, he got me a teddy that says i love you on a heart and a scarf,
but yesterday he upset me so much, he was meeting me near my house
and because i was running a little late and helping my mum he thought
i'd stood him up, so he went back to his dads went on msn and started
talking to my friend called char that we both know, and she phoned me
up and said that he'd told me to go and kill myself, who actually
says that? before we even started going out i told him absolutely
everything, including the time i tried to, and he still says that?? i
thought i was gonna start crying down the phone to char, i bet if i
did it'd freak her out a bit but now shes threatening to kill him lol
she does make me laugh, and anywaay i saw him yesterday still and we
found this playground at the end of a road, barely anyone around, and
i thought it was gonna be all innocent but he kept kissing me and he
put his hands down my top, but what am i meant to say? i don't wanna
make him feel awkward : / and now that i've broken up with alex hes
really trying, last night he called me and i got really upset about
my dad/ my mum/ david saying that and he used up all his minutes just
to cheer me up, it feels weird not being with him because i miss him
and i realised that we did have fun, i could joke around with him and
everything, ah i dunno.

made a complete idiot out of myself at lunch, my mum gets her scan
results today and i know its gonna be bad either way...they can
either say that they can't do anything for her or they can say that
she needs an operation which takes 6 months to recover from, and my
friend anna asked if i was okay and i started crying but soon manage
to stop myself thank god.

i want to contact my dad..i was talking about it last night and hes
already missed out on so much..so how much more of my life is he
gonna miss? i know hes not gonna end up living much longer because of
his life style and i don't think im asking for a lot am i? i just
want him to care, i want him to be there if i need him..i just want
him to be my dad..i mean is there something wrong with me?? i just
don't understand why any dad couldn't care about his kids..

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