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2011-02-04 02:09:04 (UTC)


So I had a long conversation with George today. I have learned that
I have actually looked on both sides of the box. about 2 years ago,
i was living with my parents, trying to finish school and make life
work to accomplish my dreams dating a successful farmer and being
jealous that he has no financial troublese and life all in general
is easy. now that i have been married, i get a lot of people who
look at me with general professional and personal jealousy. Its
actually harder to make friends because the friends and
personalities I like are those involved with a lower income. parts
of me has a jealousy side when i look at them and know that they may
be "poor" as I use to be once, but they have a more fullfuilled
life. money changes people. i have been changed though I vowed not
to ever be changed by it. How do I get that back??

another thing we talked about was tempers. I blow up at the wiff of
match. I know I am prego but I was like this before also. I don't
want my child to be around this temper. I want my child to be able
to step back and calm down and rationally talk out tempers. I also
want my kid to lay off the green eyed monster. I want to teach my
self not to let other people intimidate me and for some reason I
become jealous of them and let them believe that they are better
than me as a person. Megan listed herself in the newspaper today as
an RN. I shouldnt judge but she hasnt finished her degree to claim
herself as an rn. at one point I wished her all the best. I want to
not care but she likes to rub herself into my business. I pray I can
just wish her luck, be happy for her and continue on my journey.

I want jake to be home on sunday and he wont be. I must learn that I
can not be in control of anything. Jake and I have a lot of
struggles ahead along side of building this home but we have to
learn how to become parents.
i do hope for a boy for the farming aspect. but i think jake would
learn a great deal from a girl. chinese conception says its suppose
to be a girl so I am thinking, hello addison jade johnston <3. but
if owen eric johnston shows up to I will love both more than life

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