butch80

my friend ANA
2011-02-02 07:14:30 (UTC)

called about treatment

So today I called so many places about getting
treatment. I am not to sure tht it is what I want to do
or not. Everyone keeps telling me I am to thin that I
need to gain weight. But I don't see it. When I look in
the mirror all I see is a fat cow. I am 5'4 and I weight
a disgusting 90 pounds. Why can't I just be the weight
I want to be. The only thing I have ever wanted was
to be thin. Every time I start to lose weight peope tell
me I look gross. Why is it that they don't see what I
see. Why don't I see what they see? Tonight I tried
something new. I can taste the food without gaining
weight. All I have to do is chew the food and instead
of swallowing it I spit it out. If u have never had an
eating disorder than you don't understand and
please don't judge me. All I have ever wanted was to
be thin. I am finally starting to lose weight so why is
everyone trying to take it away from me. Don't they
see I don't want the help. Ana is my best friend why
do I have to let her go?


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