Aleria

Ramblings of a Married Woman
2011-01-31 15:27:47 (UTC)

Journal Entry 7

Sometimes I really wonder what's going on in that head of his.

We went to the movies Friday night and saw Tangled. I know, two
adults going to see a silly kids movie, but it was actually really
good. I liked it a lot and I thought that it was cute, but he was
still acting weird.

I mean, he's sitting as far as possible on the other side of the seat
and away from me. I tried to get close a couple times, but he was
just waaaay over there. No way to cuddle.

Then, halfway through the movie, he slings his arm around me and we
cuddle for a little while before moving away.

But at the end of the movie, he's asking me what's wrong and wanting
to know why <b>*I*</b> didn't want to cuddle with him. Seriously?

But whatever, so the weekend came and went I guess. He went up to his
father's to work on something and was gone for SEVEN HOURS. His
father lives 30 minutes away and he didn't think it would take too
long, but here he comes walking in at 7:15 when he left at noon.
Seven hours where I cleaned and cooked and dealt with a very crabby,
teething 1 year old who wanted me to hold her ALL day.

He came home just in time to see me put her to bed.

Then he sits down on the coach and starts playing games and I'm
getting him dinner and putting away dishes and picking up after my
daughter's clear path of destruction.

So now it's around 8 and I finally flop on the couch and ask him if
he brought in the bag with the milk in it from my mom's on Friday
night. He said no and then went out and got the bag. Instead of
putting away the milk and mayo (wow two items), he sets it down on
the ground next to me and then goes back to playing games.

When I don't move, he finally says "Aren't you going to put those
away? You've been nagging me for the last two days about it and now
you're just going to let it sit on the ground?"

ARG!! It's just...he can't put a single thing away, can he? Nagging
him? Please, I asked him Saturday morning and Saturday night, now is
that nagging him? And it's perishable stuff! I know outside it's cold
enough to keep it good, but his car is a mess and so I can just see
it breaking open in his car and then him bitching about that. So I
was trying to keep that from happening.

But I'm getting very mad about this. I work full time, I pull 40
hours at work, drive an hour one way and so spend 50 hours away from
home a week! I come home, I cook dinner (every night), I do the
dishes, I pick up after our daughter, I do the laundary and pick up
our room. I vacuum, I pick up our daughter's room, I clean the
bathroom, I fold the clothes and put them away and the list goes on.
Me. All me. ME ME ME ME ME.

What's he do? He comes home (earlier than me, mind you) and sits down
and plays games. Every once in a great while he'll do some kind
of "home improvement"--like last month he put a new vanity in. It did
take him a few hours, but only two days working 2 hours each time.
And yesterday he put in a medicine cabinet.

And he bitched about that too! I went to Mass, then to Good Will to
get our daughter some clothes. I come home, I put her to bed, I put
the groceries away (which I bought ALL BY MYSELF), I go back up and
give her a bottle because she isn't sleeping, I rock her until she
goes to bed and then I walk out and look in the bathroom where he is
and tell him it looks great.

And he says "Oh, finally. Only been home forever and now you notice."
I know he was semi-joking, but it still hurt my feelings. He didn't
notice the kitchen was cleaned up. He didn't notice that the laudary
was done or that the living room was cleaned or anything else I did.
I make sure to tell him that I appreciate his work and I get a
sacrastic comment about how long I took to tell him!

Sometimes I seriously wonder who I married. I know he used to be
worse, but I think I had it in my head (even though everyone told me
not to) that he would change--that I would change him.

And I know that's the wrong idea, I <b>know</b> that, but I still
thought it--at least subconsciously.

I love him, I do, but that doesn't mean he's good for me, right?




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