Tiffany

Life,Love,Music
2011-01-18 14:45:43 (UTC)

Secrets, Lies, Deceiving.

Secrets can hurt people or make them happy when they find out. My
secrets? I have a lot of them. Want to know who knows almost all of
them? Antonio. My EX! Maybe I am crazy for telling him everything I
did. I trust him though. I will always trust him. Hopefully he won't
take advantage of that. If me and him ever ended up together again. I
wouldn't treat him like he is cheating all the time. I would certainly
be cautious though. Anyway, the secrets I have could ruin my
relationship with my family if they ever found out. It is hard keeping
it from them. I will leave with it forever. I don't really think I
have done anything bad besides well, cutting and having sex at 13. I
regret that but hey I can't change it now. I had lied many times to
people. I haven't lied to Antonio though. Well him and Ricky. I can't
lie to them. The lies I tell my parents aren't that bad. The main lie
I say is I am fine. I could have been crying for hours my eyes red and
puffy nose stuffed they ask if I am okay I say I am fine. I think that
is my main lie I say. I can fake a damn smile and pretend I am fine.
During the night finally everything just comes out. I end up crying
myself to sleep a lot. I guess you can say I deceive people. My
parents think I am this sweet little angel. They think the furthest I
have went is kissing a guy. They think I don't drink. They also think
I never sneak people over. I can't wait to get my room cleaned up. I
have had sex at least 6 or 7 times. I was drinking rum with my friend
during school. He put it in a Rockstar container. I have snuck Levon
and AJ over countless times when they were gone. How long til I start
sneaking out? I mean really. I wouldn't want to but you know what
sometimes that seems like the only way I could do stuff. It seems I
don't do anything unless it is without them around. The only bad thing
they know I did was share pictures with Nick. Okay yeah me and him
sexted. I know stupid but hey I was younger. I didn't know. He was the
one convincing me to do it. Everyone ask me why I write in a diary or
a journal it is because without one I would go crazy. This is one
place I can really get things off my chest. I know I can tell friends
but I guess I am afraid to because I am afraid other people will find
out somehow. I think I am going to upload the stuff I actually wrote
by hand. Maybe I will be able to keep this diary for a long time. I
can always come back and read everything I wrote. I think my parents
would keel over and die if they ever read this. Well I am ending this
one.
- Tiffany M. Boyd




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