2011-01-17 04:00:09 (UTC)


I just moved me and Bryson to Washington. I thought I would do a
journal because I have heard that they are good to do. I am going
through a lot right now emotionally. I am having a hard time trusting
Buddy. I am feeling a lot better since we have talked but at times
when he looks at his phone I still get upset inside. I dont like
being jealous and I didnt used to be. But Im working on it. Tonight
we went to his parents for the Seahawks game and his mom mentioned
something about someone not wanting another kid. That upset me
because I am looking for a father for Bryson. I dont want just some
boyfriend who is going to have me raise him and take care of him on
my own. I would really appreciate some help. I want a man who wants
to help, who wants to be his dad. I need that. If I do it alone, I
might as well have stayed single. It would be nice if he would offer
to make bottles or change diapers. I dont expect it, it would just be
nice. I dont know....I just feel like im raising him alone and if
this is such a serious relationship, than I shouldnt feel like this.
I have also found out, he isnt romantic... which I kinda knew when we
got together, Im just finding out HOW unromantic he is.. hahaha I
gotta light the candles, make the bath, laalala but oh well. I just
hope he appreciates me. I appreciate him a lot and I try and show it,
by making dinner and cleaning and stuff, but he doesnt do that. He
just acts sexual. Nothing sweet, feet rub, back, bath, dinner,
flowers...doesnt happen. And it makes me really sad. I love him I
just wish there was more romance. It feels so routine..get up, cierra
to school, clean, shower, clean, lunch, dinner, bryson and cierra
baths, bed, sex, then wake up every couple hours with Bryson. I dont
mind any of that. I enjoy it very it even..I just wish I
received more thank you and more appreciation showed I guess....I
dont know.. I dont feel Im asking a lot....