Ranmat

The Last Hours
2011-01-12 02:18:46 (UTC)

A million ways to deal with a break up ... or being dumped.....

.............. this isnt a route i usually took. But I decided to
whore my way through this.

I wasnt finished going out when i could.
Didnt want to stop having sex.
Didnt want to be alone.

So..... joined a website and met a couple of people.
Went to a couple of adult parties.
Met a couple or two.
Got confirmation that there are still men my age who are not 3
minutes and who can actually outlast me.
Got tired of my phone ringing and going through the getting to know
you process. Got tired of the flakes and just realized that i have
outgrowned this lifestyle too.... as much i was trying to make
it "work" for me again, even temporarily..... but i have gone that
route off and on but for so many years.

The fear of catching something. The feeling of being so admired one
minute but then afterwards, its cool to see you when i see you. Or
the time it takes to get schedules together.... i mean its so much.

I took my ad down after 3 weeks. I got Sarkis out of my system...
well, to the point i didnt miss him. Its just odd how after a
year.... after throwing out his tooth brush.... and his clothes that
he had in "his" drawer.... how I dont really know what exactly made
him hate me so much... or scared... did he meet someone else.....
did he hate my religious upbrining....... was it the culture (doubt
that)...... were we too close to address it for him? Or something
worse on his part? I guess I will never know but I'm good. I just
hate my son has asked for his twice. Once in his sleep and once in
conversation. He is the last man i will bring around Jonah now that
Jonah "remembers".

This came at a good time too. The end of the year. And Jonah being
now 4. A critical year for him. Its time for me to get him
prepared for Kindergarten.

Its time to put all the bullshit aside and move forward.




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