akbitty

A Journey Into the Light
2011-01-07 15:48:38 (UTC)

My journey to the light

A while ago I started a journey to become a better Christian and a
better me. I know that it will be a long process, but somedays it is
a battle to be good. I come from a Catholic back ground, not that there
is any thing too bad about being a Catholic. It just makes it hard
sometimes to adhere to the bible way of living. I have changed
since I first realized that I need Jesus in my life as peace,
comfort, joy, and my savior. I was lost, confused and at war with
myself for so long that it is amazing where I was then and were I am
now.

When I first started this journey I was living a lie. I tried to
pretend my way through the day that I simply forgot who I once was.
When I was a kid I was happy, smiled and laughed alot, but as I grew up
I lost my self along the way. I hid from the pain of mental abuse and a
bad sexual experiance. I lost my joy. I made bad dating choices and
tried to change who I was to match what I thought the latest guy needed
or wanted. Soon enough I was a bi-sexual, witch who thought she was in
love with a man who turned out to be married. It was at that point that
I had a break-down. The guy I was in love with was shipped out to
Afganistan and I hadn't heard from him in a while. I heard a story of 7
soldiers dying in a bombing and I just knew that he could be one of
them. I snapped at people, but ultimately broke down during lunch and
cried my eyes out. It was during those tears that I started praying
again. I just knew that there had to be someone out there so I fell to
the old Catholic standard of saying the rosary over and over again.
Gradually I felt a sort-of peace come over me. I desided then and there
to attend church that sunday with some friends that had been trying for
years to get me to go.

It was that sunday that my life a ray of light shine at me for the
first time in a long time. I sat in the back row with my friends and
enjoyed the rock-n-roll service. At one point the pastor had an alter
call. This was very foreign to me, for nothing like this is done in the
Catholic church. I stayed seated, but prayed just the same. Soon I felt
tears start to roll from my eye and then a gentle hand touched me. A
voice said I should have gone to the front. He prayed over me and I
felt my first real release from pain and sorrow. I left the church that
day with more tears in my eyes, but knowing that this is where I needed
to be...




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