Q.a.G

ConstantlyConfused:/
2011-01-02 04:42:16 (UTC)

Day One: January 1st, 2011:---

Today is the first day of the year. My New Year's resolution is to
become a vegetarian.. again. I was a veg. head for a year and a half.-
--- Today I smoked the last bit I had. One gravity bong hit. And boy
did it do the trick. I wish I could do it again, and again, and
again. That's how my life used to be. Before probation. I'm on it for
getting caught holding my bestfriend's weed on me during school cause
she was terrified of getting caught.. When I think of the
possibilities of getting sent away, I pretty much die inside,
thinking of my boyfriend, Joshua. But the green is soooo hard to
resist. Before December 29, 2010- I was clean for almost a month. But
the temptation fucked me over. I pray everynight that everything goes
okay.. I would die inside, more literal than you think, if I was
seperated from Josh. He's not just some high school fling. He's for
real. I may be young, but I know what true love is when I'm with
him. After that month without my green, I forgot what it was like
to be high. I remembered the motions, but being there, completely
different. I don't use it to mask my problems, for pain, or to escape
reality. I ask my friends all the time what it's like for them, their
answers.. Soooooooo off from mine. I must be a weirdo, but I love
being me.. Which is why I caved in to the goody green, I was tired of
being someone I'm not.. A sober, depressed, faggot. I realized on
12/29/10 how much I changed from 8th grade to now. When I'm high- I
notice more stuff,I focus in on random details. I feel relieved of my
parents' pain. You can dis me, or whatever, but I love who I am, I
love the green, and I will never disown my love for it again. I cried
in front of my Josh because I've never been more ashamed of myself in
my life, for turning my back on who I really am.... -----SJK




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