Vanilla

christmas eve

Why does he say stuff like that to me? I saw m today and yes I sorted most
of it all out. V called today a littl drunk however he sounded fine to me
amd comes out with "I'm sorry that ur around these fukers..you deserve
better. I'm just sorry" what thaa fuk why would he say something like that
to me?! I was happy with m in my life and then he said that and yes maybe
he didn't mean it but it is highly offensive. Its a bit of a head fuk. I
saw v yesterday and we chilled we had fun. We held hands because it was
cold outside and he complimented me loads. I've learnt not to over read
these things. But it sounds like he's trying to head fuk me again. V is
just v but he can't ever have that same position again. I have to be
strong. He's right I do deserve better, better than m and certainly better
than v and I will get it. I shouldn't care what he thinks but a part of me
just will. A part of me knows I have to show him one thing that I can and
will do better. I just don't know where mr perfect is right now. But for
nw m makes me happy so let me be?

V suggested dinner today seeing as its christmas. We shall see. Christmas
is so dead here nothing is the same anymore. No tree no presents no
family. I practically hate the blooming season. Its like everyones
celebrating and so excited etc and I just want to stay under my covers
because its just lonley. Sad haha