miss christina
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2010-12-23 18:38:57 (UTC)

giving in or giving up

I sit here and I think of that has happened in the last few days and
it is just like as bomb hitting me. I want to be able to let you go
but there is a part of me that wants to hold on. i know that i cant
just keep lettin you hurt me like you are. I look at my dad and I
see how happy he iswith my mom. IM like in so many ways.. that its
not even funny. I mean Look at my mom and dad divorced yet they
still live together. my dad has been devoted to my mom for like 26
years. and they were only together for like 5 of thoes years.
Melissa when i look at you that is how i see our relationship. Im
your backbone. Im here if you need me. Im here to always protect you
and make surethat noone includeing myself ever hurt you. Chances are
you wont be reading this but if you are, good keep reading. My
feelings for you have not changed. My emotoins are to involved with
you for me to even move on. It is hard for me to move on when i
sleep in the same bed as you. its hard for me to keep to myself when
i see you change and shower and do what you do to get ready. There
is such a force that pulls me to you and i cant help but wonder if
it will ever go away. It looks like it is so easy foro you to move
on and all that. you have isolated me to just being with you at
home... I dont get to see you at work anymore. And i think i know
why that is. Because of celina. So want i want to do is beat both of
you up and just move on with my life. But i cant move on from you if
your still around.. do you understand. I gave you my ring, a family
ring, and you wore it and now.. it means nothing to you. i mean
nothing to you. Iam just someone who you come home to that you
sharesome laughs with. Iwish that you would just go back to ut and
get the hell out of my life. I wish that i would have never met you.
you hurt me andi cant deal with it anymore. I want to be with you
but if you are going to be treating me like shit then i have to
watch myself fisrt.. you no longer matter to me. if i can just ssay
that enough maybe i will be able to get a hold of my feelings and
get rid of them. i fell for you, i fell for melissa not the melissa
that i know now. so i ask you ot please stop lying to me plese just
stop. dont hurt me. im not second best. im not the one to string
along. im not the one to be walked all over.. i have feelings just
like you do.. and i put myself out there for you. i put my feelings
for you out there for you to know how i feel. this is time for me to
just throw in the towel.. there is no way to make this work unless
youare honestwith me