tHePErFecTstRanGErR

The Story of a Girl
2010-12-14 20:58:54 (UTC)

The unloved one

I'm a mess. Always have been, always will be. I'm loved by none and just going
through the day brings me so much pain. Each passing day is worse than the last. I
honestly can't even remember a perfect day in my memory. Never. It's the saddest
thing to think about, especially when I'm already down, but it's the truth. There's an
empty void filling my heart. It's been there for as long as I can remember and I've been
searching for something to fill it up but that feat is seemingly impossible. I'm just so
upset and numb and out of touch with everything. I don't like any of my friends . We
were hanging out the other day and while we were on the train, it just felt like I wasn't
a part of them. Like I was on one side of a screen, watching a movie (the movie being
them, on the other side of the screen). I don't know what to do. I'm lonely, and upset,
and beat up (mentally). I don't want to take my own life, or cut myself, because let's
face it, cutting actually doesn't help. I've tried it once, and there was no difference
besides a stinging pain that annoyed the fuck outta me. So i've become nothing short
of a pessimist. I just bitch about everything and use foul language and act pretty
antisocial. My days of feeling out of it and now everyday. Is there hope for someone
like me? A girl who feels no connections with friends, whose family hates her and
doesn't even try to hide it, a girl who feels not only lost in the world, but lost in herself
as well, is there any hope for a girl like her? She used to be so strong but has now
given up, and she cries, she cries every damn day, wondering why she wakes up and
why she hasn't yet fallen into an eternal slumber due to the pain, anger, and
emptyness that fills the remnants of her cold and lonely heart. How much pain can one
person withstand without exploding. How can a person keep everything bottled up
inside and survive? And most importantly, what is happiness and how is it obtained by
the broken individual? I ask questions to which I recieve no answers. No one
understands because no one wants to. And why would they? I mean, who would
actually want to love a girl like me? No one, that's who. I guess I'll have to learn how
to cope in this big, twisted, unjust, unethical world all by myself.
Wish me luck.
Oh wait, that's right, you don't ven care.
That's fine, see if I give a damn. I'm through caring for those who will never care for
me.

~The Perfect Stranger




Ad: