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2010-12-13 17:34:32 (UTC)


My internet hasn't been working. However, I wanted to reflect on a
few things.

I got baptized yesterday! As I was sitting there, about to be
submerged into the water, I remember thinking how it was just like
marriage. The truth is, I couldn't have been happier. I felt
complete. Never mind the massive headache I got afterwards.
(Hna said it was the Devil coming out of me. Haha, that bitch!)

However, as an "official" Christian, I worry about a few things.

The pastor explained that baptism didn't clean you of sin and that I
shoudn't expect to be perfect- that I'm only human. If only he knew
the extent of my impefections! I really have the best intentions,
but at the end of the day:

I am still proud, stubborn, and impatient.
I like to watch porn and sometimes beat off to it.
I enjoy male attention & really think that I am liable to cheat.
I still party occasionally which includes drinking & dancing.
I don't censor anything- what I see, hear, or say.

I worry that the changes I willingly make aren't enough.

The Church also encourages spreading the Gospel. It's
part of our calling as Christians. The bible frequently talks about
being proactive and not being ashamed of our Father. However, I
don't want to appear like a zealot. I was always the type of person
to cringe away from people who tried to push their beliefs on me.
I was always of the type of person to side with reason. I wonder if
I'll be able to fulfill this part of my calling? And if so, how?

This last Sunday, we covered the second chapter of Revelation.
Jesus says to the church in Ephesus, "But I have this against you,
that you have abandoned the love you had at first." This is another
worry. Until now our family was never consistent in our
worship. Part of the reason that I started getting close to the
Church was because of my family. I'm afraid that, once I move back
with the hubby, I'll lose sight of all that I have gained.

The pastor had mentioned during a previous sermon that the REAL
battle w/Satan starts once you've handed you life over to Jesus-
that Satan will do anything to knock you down.
My first reaction is: What!? I'm surely screwed now because I
wasn't that great a person to begin with...
But my second is: Faith. I am merely human. I can only hope that
God will guide me along my way.

May He manifest himeself in me so that I may work for Him.

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