Ashley

This Is Me
2010-12-10 06:16:09 (UTC)

I said hello

My goal was a success! I said hi to Donovan lol.. I seriously feel like a little girl lmao
omg I promise.. Like for real I was so nervous JUST TO SAY HI?!!!! I almost didn't bur
I did and I was proud of myself.. I couldn't get enough nerves to start a conversation!
Ah I feel soo stupid like fo serious!! Not even a simple hi.. Hi.. How're you? Good!
Nothing.. But my gosh he is so cute.. And Katie said he's a really mice guy..

Honestly idk tho because we sort of have a click problem.. I mean if you were to ask
most of them they would probably say no because it's a small school and most of
them are friends bit the out casts (such as myself) are the ones left out, of course..
Ugh.. I mean I'm picked on still.. Not a lot anymore at least bit still.. They wouldn't
think of going out With someone like me..

Sometimes I question if I'm pretty or not.. I still sort of wonder why I'm bot popular if I
am pretty.. Do I have a face that only a mother can love? I don't know.. I mean I get
compliments and I do enjoy them and I keep them for a rainy day. But it still makes me
wonder why I still haven't had a boyfriend I actually hold on to. O mean Thera Ryan
and jacob but they both didn't last a week. Well I know Ryan wasn't religious but I
didn't think it would bother me as much as it did and I kind of really had to cut it loose
instead of play house.. That wouldn't be right, I have morals.

I've looked at Ray a couple times and I still have feelings for him and I don't want to at
all.. I fell real hard for him, which is unfortunate becuae we hardly talk anymore.. He
just has those hypnotizing eyes and his imperfect skin I just really like it.. But like he
said when we were hanging at the park, he never hangs around "girls like me".. Like
the goody type.. The kind that never smokes or ditches.. Oops. I guess Im an over
achiever for him..

He's been talking to tyrena a lot and Fernanda.. I'm a bit jealous but I'm okay with it. It
just voters me because I had that dream of those two.. Idk I just couldn't believe I
even had a dean of them in the first place.. I didn't enjoy them in my dreams flirting
with eachother.. They need to stay out of my dreams with their lovey dovey and such
lol..

But I see couples all the time in school and I want a long lasting relationship type
ofthing.. Even if we won't be married I want that.. How sad tar I'd rather have a
relationship and if we don't get married I'd get heart broken.. It's sad that I may want
that heart break.. -_- *sigh*. Ah Well..

But maybe Donovan Nickles is a different popular? Doubted it's too good to be true..
But what if it is too good to be true.. And it is true. I don't like how old fashioned I am
either because I expect the guys to make the move but I shouldn't expect it. But how
do I get him to notice me other than just another girl on the hallway.. That he'll start
talking to me.. I don't know. How would I know what to do if I even get there. I'm like a
dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with it once I've caught it!

Well. Domonique and. Kylie are popular.. I'm sure that's an opportunity but it's really
awkward to sit with them.. Even tho they are nice and everything but I mean sitting
with the other people that pocked on me in the previous years would tend to make
awkward. So...... Well I guess we'll see what God has in store for this chrish.. I hope a
lot more than just a chrush but then again that's as far as he's letting me go with
things.. Which I deaply hate with a passion by the way.. I have that dire need for that
physical love and support thatbis lacked from my parents. I feel no love from them, or
support like good job.. I have to fish for those things then of course they will say
something but otherwise not a random good job Ashley.. Or you're doing great, keep it
up..

I was showing my mom what I was going to wear for our class picture tomorrow and I
had to ask her if I looked good and all she said was yep.. Then she thought it was
appropriate to add in that I was starting to look fat.. Thank you mother.. For giving me
that confidence booster that I need.. That's exactly what I'm talking about.. I need
someone to tell me it's okay and that I'm actually loved in this world and to giver a
great jigantor hug.. Infactbi think I'm sort of craving it? Ah well.. I'll always have my
hundred of cats in the future there for me right?! =D




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