xxjadeyxx

hurt
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2010-12-06 17:12:33 (UTC)

ok...

ok so last couple of days i suppose you could say i've acted really
stupidly, but the weird thing is i just can't help it...

i've cut myself a few times, with the knife i used before and its now
hidden under my mattress so parents won't find it, but its almost
like just having it there makes me feel better? if that makes sense,
i know i should put it back, keep it away from me but i just can't...
i feel like im just about to stop hurting myself then i do this and
it starts again, i can't help it, i can't help it, i can't help it!
arghhh why, when did i become this person????

another thing is im purposely not eating, yesterday woke up late so
missed breakfast, then managed to skip lunch and told parents im was
gonna eat out with a couple of friends but i didn't, overall i ate a
chocolate bar and a packet of sweets? and today i haven't eaten a
thing, yet im not hungry, parents will make me eat dinner but think
its just some pasta. another thing thats annoying me is that i still
haven't found the weighing scales my mum hid from me so i have no
clue what i currently weigh which is seriously annoying...

i honestly don't know whats wrong with me recently, i was thinking
about it last night and i wasn't meant to become this person,
everything was gonna turn out okay...but it just hasn't, i've made
some bad decisions and unfortunately i can't change that...and now im
someone im learning to hate everyday..


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