jlynnie

blahh.dee.blahh.
2010-12-06 08:51:56 (UTC)

down and out.

so, my last (and first) entry was back in february. and if you're
wondering about how things were changing and what was going to
happen.. i was right. three days later, i lost the love of my life.
Now it's December and the pain is still lingering around like an
abandoned puppy. To this day I don't understand what happened. All I
know, is that I've lost faith in everything. Love. Hope. Happiness.
God. I never thought I'd come to this. I don't know how I got here.
Want a re-cap of the past 10 months of my life? Here we go..

In the past 10 months I have:
1. Gotten my heart broken.
2. Developed an incurable auto-immune disease. My immune system
overworks and begins to attack my organs instead of fighting off
infection.
3. Started treatment for this disease. Three of which I had allergic
reactions to.
4. Found the correct treatment. Even though it put me in the hospital
because it suppressed my immune system soo much that I developed
infections that cut off my air supply and put me in enormous amounts
of pain. So because of that, I take an ADDITIONAL medication to
prevent me from getting sick like that. Treatment consists of 3 hour
IVs every two months for the rest of my life.

Lucky me, right? Well, it gets worse..

5. Found out I have two blood disorders. (btw, I didn't know this when
I had 3 blood clots break through my lungs 4 years ago after I had
brain surgery to remove a tumor.) But yea, no biggie. I take meds for
that too.
6. Found out I have cysts on my ovaries. That started to rupture. Ow.
Its a condition called PCOS, or Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome. Talk
about doubling over pain.. So, I have an appointment on this coming
Wednesday to see how those are coming along. I already know i probably
won't be able have children. Which breaks my heart more than most of
this crap. I love kids.
7.




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