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2010-12-04 14:12:54 (UTC)

um..random stuff?

ok i had tuesday and wednesday off school, tuesday because the car
like froze to death and its an half an hour walk in the freezing
cold. and wednesday i had to help my mum, she had my baby brother and
little cousin and her back was killing so she asked me if i could
stay and help so i did..kinda weird being around the babies/toddlers
all day :/

im really thinking about them lately, about that little baby who was
once mine..im meant to be 7 months by now but im not..

got into an argument with step-dad the other night, he was shouting
at kyle over something he didn't mean to do, i calmy said to matt to
just leave it because he was gonna start an argument, he told me to
shut up and fuck off. me and kyle both did and then he told us to
come back downstairs so he could explain why he shouted, he was still
saying that kyle meant to do something wrong when he didn't and that
i was like some annoying noise in his ear, so i had a go at him, even
my mum was on my side and because she didn't agree with him he
started screaming in her face and i told him to stop it and he
didn't, then he started screaming at me and kyle and walking towards
us and i started getting that really tight feeling in my chest and i
couldn't breathe, he said i was pathetic for doing that then he
walked away and came back and said i was acting seriously stupid but
he was completely in the wrong, after that i walked off and sat on the landing then i got a
needle i had and made a mark on my wrist, one mark turned into about
4 or 5, their not deep at all but are extremely close to my veins.
but guess thats life these days isn't it?

alex came round on thursday, expecting to you know, but for once i
told him no i wasn't going to, even worse was that he wanted to use
this damaged condom he has, no im not taking chances. i mean we still
did 'stuff' and im not proud of doing that but im happy we didn't
actually have sex. still not good though.

im seriously tired lately, can't sleep when i go to bed cause im
thinking about things too much and normally i'll wake up once or
twice during the night, i had the chance to catch up on my sleep this
morning but mum called me at about half 8 to tell me to get up and
clean up. yay.

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