Experienced Life
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2010-12-03 00:54:35 (UTC)

All kinds of S#@t lining up lately.

Some weird, confusing, crazy, painful, good things are happening these
past few days. I'm still trying to absorb all that is going on.
Something is lining up. I dunno if the stars, moon, planets all lining
up doing something to me right now but so much is going on.

I can't gather my thoughts yet. So much stuff going on so I'll have to
post all this later in hopes of everything making sense. It's kinda
weird how all this is happening.

For now, I will talk a little about the little stuff. First of all, I
didn't email or text cutie like I normally would. You know, just to
see how her day is. I backed off, gave her a break and not pressure
her so much. I'm busy with work anyway. She never really talked to me
since we had that "talk". I still don't know where we stood.
So what happens? She emails me instead. Not sure if she is playing me
a little. Maybe she felt she was losing me.. dunno. Normally, I would
say this is ok. Playing or teasing a little is ok. It's just that the
Ex took all the game-playing out of me. More to come for this.

The Ex sent me an email. She said that the teacher reports that the
5yr old boy is doing fine and that he will be a comedian when he grows
up. Sorry to say but that was all me. I am the funny guy in the family
and he is becoming like me because of the influence I gave him. I
always used to crack jokes or play funny silly games with them. We
would do things like sing songs from Spongebob and changed the words
to reflect the family and tease each other. Well, now that they aren't
here, he will be changing to be like them. Mr and Miss Psycho. I feel
bad for the boy. He will change and it will be partly my fault.
Without my influence, he will change. The thing is, I'm really
contemplating a permanent separation from the whole family. I just
don't think I can deal with the Ex in any way except with a complete
permanent absolute cutoff with my life.

I function way better when I don't hear from her. I see clearer, feel
better, and can go on with life if we are completely apart. Time will
heal my wounds so I am seriously thinking of not seeing the kids
anymore. I know this is selfish but I need to take care of myself
otherwise I'm not of use to anyone.

Just to remind everyone, I love the kids to death but they aren't
mine. Ex fooled around on me and the two kids are from this other guy.
I said this before, Karma is real. The bio-dad died a horrible slow

I can't cover the other weird and crazy stuff that happened recently.
I'll gather my thoughts and write it down soon.

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