Something old, Something new, Something
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2010-12-03 07:37:18 (UTC)


It's time to play catch up. During the transformation I have already
dated (casually) two guys. Calm down, just checking too more names
off the "mr. right" list. I will explain each one in there Chapter.
I thought about changing the names....but hey, If they reserved the
right to screw me over I reserve the right to write about them...and
tell my girlfriends how small their little man is.

I guess I should explain how I met these guys. My girlfriend and I
were chatting one day over coffee and online dating came up in the
conversation. She was telling me of a friend who had recently tried
it out, and found her soul-mate. So we decided to test this theory.
I never expected to actually date anyone off the site I met, I just
thought listening to random strangers tell me I was beautiful would
give me a self esteem booster.

So I met Jake.

Jake --> E6 typical Army guy. ( I've been warned about dating
military men, maybe I should have listened.)

Let me start off by saying after laying in bed for weeks, contemplating my mere existence I thought Jason took away from me I
was dragged out to bars... drinking, emotions, horny NOT a good mix
for a train wreck. The attention was nice, but nothing made me -feel-

Jake and I had been messaging back and fourth, he was adorable, blonde
hair, blue eyes, straight off the mid west farm country boy-
everything Jason was not. We really hit it off. He actually believed
in fairy tales. Someone as hopeful (hopeless?) as I? We decided to

If you know me, you know I ruin just about everything. Starting with
the, what would have been, the best surprise ever. Jake planned to
surprise me with flowers outside of my class because he couldn't wait
to see me.... Really? Even googled my campus map to figure out where
I was. Leave it to me to break out with a zit before the date so I
thought that was grounds to stay home from school and nurse it down to
normal size. I missed the surprise. When he arrived he gave me the
flowers...which are my thing. I think a guy should always show up
with flowers, and wine. He even made note I am not like most girls
and roses just won't do. If this is a common line, I'm all for it. I
was swept off my feet. We and an amazing first encounter. Surprisingly enough, My nerves were left at the door. He had to go
back to work and I was leaving town for the weekend but we talked from
the time I got up to the time I went to bed. Then once in the middle
of the week He came down after working all day on his feet, just to
spend the night with me. I'm such a sucker for this kinda stuff.

Spending time with someone again, starting to look forward to calls,
or smile at texts made me scared. So ... I do what every crazy girl
does, I pushed away a good thing.

Jake was very family oriented. His goal was to find a wife, and have
children. Yes a guy who actually believes in marriage. Rare
commodity. The next part is tragic. He wanted me so much to be that
for him... until he opened my fridge..and stove.

Let's just cut to the chase. I am and never will be the girl who can
wear white and not spill on it, I store sweaters in my stove because
my closets are full, and I was not aware eggs go out of date...

Poor guy just wanted to make some brownies.... Opened the fridge, saw
the eggs were out of date and shut the door. If you could have seen
his face of disappointment. He looked like I shot his puppy on
Christmas morning! I was not the "Leave it to Beaver, Joan Cleaver
1940's trophy wife he wanted" I should have realized at this point HE

He left later that day...I was told I was just not what he was looking
for. this should be the end of the story. I should have stopped. OF
COURSE that's not my reality.

So I went after him. I didn't want to ask What if after every failed relationship. What if Jake was the one? and I MESSED UP.

This is where the trouble starts. Sometimes things happen for a
reason, sometimes things just arn't meant to be fixed. This being

I chased, I called, I messaged. This is where I needed that little
angle on my shoulder to say
" Hey girl. Put down the penis, put your clothes back on, and
go directly to your best friend's house. Do not find an excuse to
stay. Do not think that because of all the crazy hotness of it all, it
now means that you're meant to be together. Yes, break up sex does
seem like a good idea, because hey, it's nice to have sex with someone
you have these dramatic feelings about. It makes it all, well,
dramatic. But now you know. It confuses everything and makes you
separate sex and emotions. So now you don't ever have to make that
mistake again. Got it? He's into the very-bad-idea-that-masquerades-
as-a-good-idea, breakup sex. Over and out."

But I had her on mute.
Apparently about the same time the lights turned on so did his real
personality.The guy I thought was worth chasing started showing his
real colors. All of a sudden he wanted me to be barefoot and pregos
living on a farm in Indiana. If you have not guessed now I am NOT
trading my stilettos in for waders.

This continued for a few weeks. Then I realized I needed to stop
being typical me, and pull up my boot straps. We were arguing back
and fourth so I just asked the question every girl is scared to ask.
"Jake, do you ever sit back and realize wow a girl willing to chase
me, work with me, help me, or even just think about anyone but

of course the responses came to I this, I that.

HELLO this was my answer. This whole time I was talking in "we's and
Us's" You can't play for a team when your partner is playing solitaire.

Goodbye Jake, what a rotten egg!