The Real Me
2010-11-28 05:10:18 (UTC)


I am so angry. SO SO ANGRY. because RIGHT when you think someone is
different its just TOTAL BS. what the fuck made me think anyones
different? I refuse to get fuked over so im so glad i figured this out
early. I need to device a plan, Im gonna rip him apart. I am so done
being burnt, Im so dont being hurt again and again, that this time
I wont even let it come near me. So if I burn him first and set him on
fire, I wont hurt. How do I do this?

I have to play this right. Im going to go out on wensday and yes yes
it on with another guy. Ive gota get M out of this picture completely.
Show that I dont care at all. So get close to him then just drop
him...sparce theory.

So I ended up posting this on yahoo answers to get some advice:


Like a guy who I saw as a bro who I lived with for a year in halls,
whos a player? HELP? =|?
Ok so Basically the description I really need help. Ive lived with
this guy for a year and just moved out this year, as we were in halls
together. During that time we got really close as friends but always
with distance. Last week however he got drunk and started telling me
he likes me etc, we held hands for an hour and hugged for ages and
even went the other way to drop me home then went all the way back to
his. Next day he denied anything happened saying he was too drunk and
I agreed but I knew he was lying and he knew I was too. Then a few
nights ago we ended up chilling together and he confessed that he
remembers and likes me etc, he also said he never would wana lose me
as a friend because Im the only one who can get stuff out of him which
is true as he is a closed book to everyone else. He ended up coming
back to mine, we messed around a bit but didnt go the whole way and I
didnt really give him anything except he gave me something. He asked
for sex and I was shoked and said no but he was like "Im not forcing
you, and its up to you, i dont mind if u say no" And joked about it.
He hugged me the whole night, stroked my hair, kissed me alot and was
looking into my eyes alot etc.

When we woke up i told him I wasnt sure, and I think i regretted it, I
wasnt looking for a relationship. And he said he didnt want a
commitment. Now the thing is I lied and its because I know hes a
player, he brings home a girl every night, I know hes one to lead a
girl on, how do I know hes not doing that to me? He text me the next
day telling me he enjoyed hugging me and hasnt done that to another
girl before, and he did because it was me. But I dont know, he says he
wants to see how it goes, then he says we cant commit because it would
ruin the friendship and instead carry on like this (friends with
benefits) but then I told him how does that make sense? this would
ruin it aswel. So when I said this ends here and now. He just sat
there and hugged me for quite a while, and said he would miss this,
where he could be this close to me. Next day he bought up the topic
and again said he liked hugging me and we talked about what happened
last night, well what he did to me anyway. I know the decision sort of
lies in my hands but I dont want to be another girl on his list.

What should I take of all this as? Ive seen him hold other girls hands
before for ages and these are girls that like him alot yet he doesnt
like them back, isnt that just leading them on, and what scares me is
that he calls them obbsesive and how they like him so much but he
doesnt like them. He runs a mile from commitment and its like if a
girl shows him interest he just goes off her. I dont know what to do.
Should I leave it and let him go. Oh one more thing he even knows
about this guy I Iiterally fell head over heels for who I was obsessed
with, who hurt me, chased me and in the end it didnt work out. I mean
I wanted a future with this guy. And now this guy I like now literally
happened just after all of that.

Sorry for the essay guys, Just need help. And please be honest I dont
mind if its cold bitter truth. Thanks

Ive known him for 2 years we are close/best friends he says he likes
me but doesnt want a relationship yet? =(