shirleyvalentine

Life..this is it?
2010-11-21 21:50:51 (UTC)

About Me

I have 3 wonderful kids. My daughter is the eldest, she has just
graduated from high school and now cannot work either until the
permenant res comes through. She is from my first marriage which
ended when she was just 2 years and yes he was violent to. How did i
find the strength to leave him? i didnt i caught him with another
woman and kicked him out. She doesnt see her father, he never wanted
any contact, which was fine with me. She knows about him, i never
lied to her about who her father was.

A year later i met HIM and ohhh he was charming, he was everything i
ever wanted and of course i questioned myself many times. Was i on
the rebound? too emotional for another relationship? Did i really
love this man? He was great with my daughter, he was married but had
been fighting with her for years. STOP i know what your thinking,but
it really wasn't like that if it had been it would have not gone any
further. I had known him for years before and as soon as he declared
his undying love for me and we slept together he went home and left
his wife. He really did...no hanging around, no hesitation. He found
us a home and we moved in together. A year later we married and a
year after that we had twin boys. I was so happy.

I don't know when i changed. It started with the verbal abuse. I
realised one day that i had no say in anything anymore. I wasnt
allowed to decorate because it would be wrong. I wasn't allowed to
have an opinion, it would be wrong. I could never mention a mans
name or i would be accused of sleeping with him. I remember the
first time he made me cry. My Mum was staying for christmas and he
lost his temper over something so insignificant and called me a
fucking bitch and how i bring him down. On christmas day i spent 2
hours crying whilst he carried on like nothing had happened.

Sex has always been a big issue with him. If he doesn't get it when
he wants it then i'm accused of sleeping around and tells me i
frustrate him. Yes he's raped me, many times and i let him carry on
because i know what the concequences will be. We went out together
one evening and i was given a date rape drug, i was so out of it
memory wise and he knew there was something wrong with me. When i
woke in the morning i knew exactly what i had been given because my
whole memory was blank, i also knew someone had had sex with me and
i asked him if he had and he said NO of course not. 4 months ago i
confronted him about that night and he admitted he had!!




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