Experienced Life
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2010-11-09 19:58:14 (UTC)

The text games again

Sigh... I thought I was done with the games but it's not. The only way
the Ex is communicating now is with emails. I try to reason with her
and say that with the kids future on the balance, it would be better
to talk face-to-face or at least by phone to discuss the children's

I got a text asking me to answer her. The question was if I wanted to
see the kids after I'm off on Fridays and keep the until I have to go
back to work on either Sunday or Monday.

She has the audacity to tell me that we need to think of the kids.
Quote " the kids love me and that it would hurt them not to see you
because they love you". I say WTF to that?! She is the one that took
them away. She is the one that bounces from place-to-place man-to-man
as if you can just go upend people's lives without them even having
any input into it.

My response was that I am hurt by the sudden events and I'm not
thinking right at the moment. I'm not used to people just taking off
on me while I'm away and get left with a note or email later on saying
they left and took the kids.

I told her I don't chase and that she always had the choice to do what
she wants but it should not just where you pick up like the breeze and
leave without the other person knowing. There is usually a discussion
to see if things can be resolved and then both parties part knowing
that it is a mutual parting.

I have to say she is fucking nuts! I don't know how I put up with it.
I think I can blame my parents for this fucked up upbringing that I
have. I'm like a fucking dinosaur and the morals and ethics I have
does not apply in this fucking time or world anymore.

Without me to guide the kids, I'm guessing the 5 yr old boy will end
up doing drugs or getting into a gang in an attempt to feel like he
belongs and that he won't be abandoned like his parents did to him.

I'm guessing the 8 year old girl will end up depending on boyfriends
for security and/or comfort because the low self esteem she will
develop that both parents created by the unstable home environment we
I'm guessing she will get pregnant sooner than most girls.

I'm mean I know but I see it coming without my help. I am caught with
the frustration of getting my own life together. I'm so damn tired of
the bullshit! So tired of fighting so hard to help raise the children
to be good people then the Ex just fucks it all up.

So now, I must decide if I want to see the kids on weekends. I don't
really know what to do at the moment. I can't stop loving the kids but
I am so fucking tired of getting the wind knocked out of me everytime
by the ex.

I'm starting to seriously consider washing my hands of this. All my
friends hate my ex. Some are pissed at this last event because they
tell me I'm smart and I should already know better and that the Ex
will never change or even compromise for the kids and actually for her
own sake too. I know I know is all I can tell them.

I don't know whats wrong with me. I don't know what to do. My friends
tell me to leave all of this nightmare behind including the kids. They
point out clearly to me that they aren't my kids so why am I fighting
so hard to save them?

I will have to make another hard decision soon. I will think about it
for now. I have some of my friends going out late tonight for some
dinner and wine at this bar/restaurant. I'm going.

I have to look at the positive in this situation.
I haven't had a night out by myself since the kids were with me. I
need this. I do notice that the house isn't messed up since I left
this morning so I get to kick back a little more. Dinner for one is
way cheaper than dinner for 3 or 4. Well, there are some newbies in my
social group so a potential new friend is always nice.

A fuck buddy wouldn't at all hurt my feelings at the moment too.
lol.jk but I'm still a man so I gotta bring that out once in awhile
otherwise my balls will fall off. It's hard enough keeping them on
with my ex doing her thing. I'll be back in a few hrs after I'm back
from the bar/restaurant. I hope I have something fun to report instead
of the whining I've been doing here. lol