ashwriter101

Journal of a Jedi Padawan
2010-11-08 00:44:28 (UTC)

Funeral Today

Well, this week was the longest week ever. 1, my dog Ginger ran
away. She was a puggle and OH so cute! She was my Sylis inspiration. I
loved her and had her for years now. 6 to be honest. And she was the
best little pup I could ask for. She was adorable and I loved her. But
now, she's gone. Izzy, my little sister's dog, has gone into dog
depression. He loved her. And I feel really sad too. I look out the
window at night, waiting for my baby girl to come scampering back to
me. But she never has.
2, I found out my dad has been in a wheel chair due to his back
and they'll scan him Wednesday to see if he needs surgery. To think my
awesome dad nearly broke his back, is really sad and scary. I love him
to death and I've been taking care of him when I can, but he wont stay
down like he's supposed to! I'm afraid he'll hurt his back even more.
3, my cousin died, as most of you know. I've been crying all week.
Even during school! Its been hard. My Lo-gy is gone. We had his
funeral today. That REALLY got me crying. I was wearing a little black
dress, and I kept wondering why the sun was shining so brightly when
he was gone? Well, when I got there, I cried and cried. I saw his
ashes, which made it hard. On our way to the church, I saw a firetruck
and remembered Logan's suicide. It hurt. I think I cried the most
though. I remember going to vacations with him, him teasing me, and he
would always show me new games and how proud of them he was. I was
always impressed and looked up to him. During the funeral, my dad held
me. He had one arm wrapped around my shoulders, holding me tight, and
another holding my hand. I could tell he was crying too by his breath
and the tears that fell on me. I wanted to stop the whole thing and
just weep. But it continued on. And when I had first heard about
Logan's death, I ran to my room and played "Shadow of the Day", which
turned out to be the funeral song too. Ironic huh? Well, the funeral
ended and I looked up at dad and Gran (grandmother). "Logan... isn't
really gone, is he? He can't be. He's Logan." Tears flowed down my
cheeks and they said he was gone. That he had cut in front of us on
his way to Heaven. When it was all over and just about everyone had
left, I asked them to keep my favorite picture there and his ashes on
the table for a few more minutes. I knelled down at the alter and
stared at the happy picture of Logan. "Logan, I miss you. I hate that
you left me so soon, that you left all of us. Can't you come back? Its
selfish I know, but I want to hug you one more time. I always looked
up to you. I love you. You were like a big brother to me. Thank you.
For being in all of our lives. I know you... probably can't hear me
right now... but I love you and miss you. You will always be my cool
older cousin. Goodbye, Logy," I said as a final tear trickled down my
cheek. I remembered what he did to me when I was younger. I took my
two fingers, kissed them, and I placed them on the frame of the
picture. One final goodbye kiss. Then, I left, remembering a phrase.
"Don't be sad its over. Be happy because it happened." Rest in peace,
Logan.
My world has been shaken. All of it. I thought we'd be the perfect
family here, and just as I was happy, disaster struck. Same thing
happened before we moved. I want to tell myself not to be happy so it
wont happen again, but why would I want to do that? Just because I've
lost a lot... doesn't mean I should loose my happiness too. Logan,
Dad, and Ginger wouldn't want that, right?
For you guys who don't care about my cousin or my personal life,
only the story (there are some of you out there but I will not name
names), I am writing. I am doing what I can. One entry a day. I
promise. It seems there wont be a grieving break for the writer. May
the Force be with you and my cousin Logan.




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