Ranmat

The Last Hours
2010-11-03 12:39:03 (UTC)

My problem with men.

I treat them as if they were kings.

I cook.
I clean.
I teach.

I submit and do what I am supposed to.
I uplift.
I actually enjoy being their whore in bed.
I do mind treating.
pampering,
i encourange
and play secretary for.......


This is how i've been raised to treat a deserving christian man. Or
any man. But not every man ....and hardly few are deserving.

I have a strong personality. But it takes a certain person to tame
me. I will still run all over someone if they left me to and I felt
like it. Usually my heart kicks in and I spare them and back down.
But usually only because of politics.

My heart isnt for the world. it is for someone who will cherish it
and treat me with that in mind.
Who in the freaking world is THAT nigga!

Yes, I've been respected and admired by most but Enventually I loose
because i'm the male version of the "nice" guy.

and when i get cold. This is when people regret. Why must it come
to that because if it does...... its over.

at the same time, I dont make time for quality men. Jonah is still
too young. I'm not where I should be at with myself so I prolong me
achieving those goals to be able truly have something to offer to
where I would demand someone to come to the plate. And for me to be
able to recognize it. You know.

no more though. Fuck niggas. They only have respect for you and
treat you right if you demand a certain type of respect.

A man has to respect you to be able to give you all of them.

I get it. I have always. But the time has finally come when
anything else is not enough for whatever i was going through at the
time in my life.

or I couldnt not turn back.

I feel it has taking me so long too. But I have ignored it on
purpose. as a sacrifice in my eyes to other things that were more
imporantant.

The difference this time is...... I realize... the other stuff in
my life wont fall in place... until this part of my being.... that
has been with me for 35 of my 40 years......has been battling with
me. If i can control my sexual drives and my will and just train my
way of thinking for something so much worthwhile.....everlasting
life even.........I'd be ok. so why would i fight that so much.

its so much more stress fighting..... than submitting.

i'm even tired of analyzing this for the sake of my own
entertainment.




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