All that is
Ad 2:
2010-11-03 01:42:52 (UTC)

oh no

i'm loosing it again. it feels like the time in 1st yr all over
again. I haven't been back there in so long, i almost forgot what it
felt like. It's been like i've been invincible, and that was a
chapter i wouldn't have to revisit, because i'm not 19 anymore etc.
but my skin (yes, my skin) seems to be returning back to it's old
ways. it's the reason i missed venice. my face was atrocious that
morning i remember.
Now it's coming back. I didn't go to uni today (for a number of
other reasons) but when I really thought about it, i didn't even
want to step outside, full stop. i felt gross. my skin feels unclean
all the time, no matter how much i clean it. it feels greasy and if
something touches my face, i feel possessed to go and wash it off.
and to make matters worse, i have a strong feeling that the rosehip
oil that i bought online might be expired. once again, a bad
purchase. i think this, because it seems to be doing the opposite of
what the trilogy one was doing. my face feels bumpy, and constantly
like it's about to erupt. the way it used to feel. as if there is
something 'brewing' beneath the surface. there is a november offer
at the skin health spa for 3 micro dermarsions for £99, and i'm
thinking of taking it up. after all she said my skin could be fixed
with micro-D. the peels haven't seemed to do the trick, and infact i
can't tell if my skin was better or worse to begin with, which is
frtustrating. ALL I WANT, is to be able to not have to wear layers
and layers of foundation and concealer just to leave my house in the
morning. it's the sole reason i'm late everywhere i swear. because
careful application of my makeup, and then careful 'assessment' of
my skin afterwards, takes about 20 mins. in which time i could be at
uni. i envy (well, not envy, but think that these people don't know
how lucky they are..) the skins of julia, maria, sydney... why can't
mine be like that? even pam's is not that bad. at least the texture
of her face is fine, not rough like mine. that's another thing i
don't get. it's become kinda rough. like bumpy somehow. i don't know
why. i think it may be to do with this 'expired' oil i'm using. i
better stop and just stick with simple. i don't feel like going out
at all, i feel gross. i don't wnna even go to the post office. and
to make matters worse, on my jaw line and chin, there are very
thick, sparsely located, but dark hairs that are definately more
visible than i'm sure i realise. it's so annoying. why am i the only
one that has it? i might have pcos syndrome. i'll go and see a gyno
about it i think.
tomorrow though i'm going to see the skin health spa to get laser on
my jawline. I don't know how i'm goin to cope with greece. i can't
even go on a trip with a group of people without panicking and
stressing and taking careful precautions about my skin. it's
ridiculous, i actually can't live like this. i'm not sure how to
proceed. i might have to go on roaccutane again. but i'm not sure
if that would be a good idea in the long run. and even if i do? so
i'll have what, 1 and a half more years of good skin, and then what?
it'll start again...