JGarn

Jennifer Garn
2010-10-27 21:35:27 (UTC)

First Entry... Dealing With Cancer

So I'm starting this journal to help myself, and maybe
other's who
come upon this on the process of dealing with a parent who
has
terminal cancer.

I myself must say that I did not and still do not want to
believe
that my mother has a short time to live, as I will be 25 in
2 weeks
and she will only be 49 in 3 weeks.

Being told that she has stage 4 lung cancer, was like a
kick in the
gut. It knocked the wind right out of me, all I could do
for days
was cry. Then to be told that the chemotherapy isn't
working and
that all they can do it try and make her comfortable until
she
passes? What do you say, what CAN you do, besides be there
as a
support structure for her?

In the past 2 months that we have all been dealing with
this, I
myself have not had the best coping methods. Couldn't eat,
couldn't
sleep, couldn't function without breaking down and having
massive
anxiety attacks. Apparently that's normal for people to
react like
this... but for me?! ya not so much. I guess I'm so used to
having
control of myself and almost everything around me that
having
something like this spring up, made me lose my mind. And I
seriously
felt like I was losing my mind.....

My Dr told me that there is a stress scale they have thta
goes from
1 - 100, and this situation is 100. So I was put on Pristiq
to help
deal with my anxiety, sleeping issues, and crazy mood
swings from
hell (and I have to applaud my wonderful fiance' for
handling me
through that!!). I still have bad day's but at least I can
handle my
emotions now, better then I could before.

I think the worst part of this whole situation is thinking
of the
things that she wont be around to see... my wedding, having
kids,
calling her to ask how to cook or bake things, to laugh
together,
and watch movies together. I know that the memories we have
are the
most important thing, but I get upset and wish she could be
there
for my future ones to.

I'm truely scared, it's hard to force yourself to think
what you are
going to do when that person isn't around anymore.
Especially when
they have been around for you your whole entire life....




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