miss christina
2010-10-27 21:34:18 (UTC)


i have not really been writng for like a min. well today I am you
could say in a good mood... maybe just cause of the fact that I am
on my medication and I am tryin really hard not to let the things
with melissa bother me. Well today I took off work to take my dad
dow nto the social security office.. Mind you i have only had the
job for about 2 weeks..i know pretty dumb. But in my eyes my family
is more important and I can find another job... Anyway I was honest
with Melissa about where I was and Why I am home so early.. So she
effin hangs up on me! Yes I told her that I took my dad and then all
of a sudden I have heard this all before...Im done I have to go.. SO
me being me I called her back and well she answred I asked her what
was wrong and she said nothing..HAHA Honey IM not dumb... Well She
freaking goes off on me because She is having problems with her x...
and No me and her are not together at all.... Well sometimes to me
it feels like we are.. ILl get to that in a lil bit... Well so her x
is saying it is her fault for the water getting shut off and all
this stuff... Well Sunday night I think it was no no friday night..
melissa got into it with her x again and she text me saying she is
done and to find her a ticket to get bak home...well what it comes
down to with me is.. We just talked about getting a place and
moveing in together again....and saveing money to go home for
thanksgiving....But I have seem to find that when she fights with
her x and blames me for putting her in the situation that she is
in.. which it is my fault for her living back with her x.....anyway
she tell me no im going home... I have waited for this girl since
june and i have not been with anyone else and I have not been the
best person but god damn im a good person. So i guess im tryin to
say that i am tired of hearing Im going home I cant do this anymore.
I feel that i am worthless and that i am a failure. I feel very
abondoned. I'll keep my hurts when we risk our heart and
it ends up being broken, but what hurts more is when we still hold
on when we already know we are waiting for nothing. so im not really
sure where i am tryin to go with this.. is it fair to feel a little
hurt nad a liitle down because i know that i am waitng for nothing..
i know that i am wasteing my time. i know that i cant have even a
friendship with her because her x is in her life? so how do i walk
away? how do i give up? how do i let go? how do i move on?