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2010-10-20 01:13:32 (UTC)

Mixed up Feelings!

So I am doing this because i started a journal the other day, the
old fashion way and something about it just didnt seem right!! I
have blogged before and enjoyed it!! At any givin time of day there
are a million thoughts running through my head! I am a newly wed
married 7 months ago! All was well in the begging but recently we
have hit a snag in our relationship! My husband decided he was going
to take an intreset in a women he worked with! (The great thing
about this is we own a restaurant together) Nothing physical
happened but still between telling her he could not stop thinking
about her to he couldnt wait to see her at work! I have been torn up
in side and out! This is mentaly and physicaly strainig on me! I
dont think there is a day that goes by that i dont cry and cry about
it! It has been about 3 weeks since it happened, and i found out
about a week after it started. I think about it all of the time! I
have no help for me! I dont really have any friends to talk to and
the ones who i can say i should leave him! Which in some sense is
very true i mean they do it once they will only do it again! but on
the other hand we have only been married 7 months! we have been
together almost 3 years! I am stuck!! I just do not know what to do
anymore.. i dont understand how to stop thinking about it..i dont
know if the feelings will ever go away!! Some days i feel like i am
just everyone else's shoulder to lean on and there is no one there
for me!! I listen to everyone else's problems and help them deal
with them but when i needed it the most there is no one there for
me!! I still do not know what there is to do any more!!! I am
feeling so alone and empty inside!! I feel like this day and night!!
I can not beileve my husband has put me through this!! And it is not
like we are in highschool!! We are grown adults!!I need a helping
hand!! I need a friend to listen!! I need something or someone who
can make me smile again!! I just want to be happy again and over
this but i am afraid this will never leave i will never stop
thinking about it and i will never let it go!!