My Aphrodisiac
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2010-10-15 07:20:58 (UTC)


So, supposedly I'm supposed to be writing every day. One page, at
minimum, a day. So far, I've been unsuccessful at accomplishing
that much, if at all anything. Is it hard to muster up the guts to
sit here, ass to seat, ideas in my head that don't know how just
come out, and completely uninspired. I mean, take a look at my
life. From the outside looking in I am blessed. Are there a few
things that others would probably change? Yes. But for the most
part, does everything look all good? Yep. However, while I
recognize just how blessed I am, I'm unfulfilled. Period. I know
that sounds a lot like selfish, but call it as you must. Fuck it.
I'm 26, college graduate, professional, civically inclined African
American woman. I have no kids, own no property, have no husband,
nor ring, nor relationship or even dates lined up (w/ the exception
of the dude). So, three is absolutely nothing wrong with
being selfish in my eyes.

I'm sick of California. I feel boggled down, suffocated, in a box
and essentially, trapped. I gotta get out. The East Coast and
London have been calling me to check them out in a new
for the mere possibility of relocation. Of course, I'm thinking
short-term as a means to at least set out to seek moving elsewhere.
You know, its amazing how as soon as "the real world" hits you
become paralized by the thought of interrupting the process of
getting into the redundance slow dance with life. You go off to
school, graduate, get a "good" job (w/ benefits), get married, have
babies and !VOLA! that's life.

I've got one word for that bullshit of a picture called "life": BOO!

I refuse to live a typical ass life. One that has no harmonic
pauses and catchy hooks that reel you inlike a hungry reader looking
forward to juicy fiction. I want people to see my life and want to
take a bite out of it. Like biting into a crisp apple and by just
the sound of eating it is compeling enough to eat the forbidden
fruit. To just say FUCK IT! I'm finna do this shit and devel into
it! Yes!

*wipes forehead* Whew! This little writing habit thing isn't so bad.
Typing has me antsy to write my next piece.