Smileek

smileek
2010-10-12 03:22:57 (UTC)

10-11-10

just got bad news this past weekend that grandma j and uncle dean
both are very ill and won't be with us long. I have grown close to
this family and hold them dear to my heart. I spoke to god today,
asked for forgiveness and asked to bless these loved ones on their
journey to heaven I pray that they won't be in limbo long and the
stairway to heaven with ernest and eric will be warm and welcoming.
my heart aches. my eyes are swollen, my body aches and its hard to
stay positive. god has a plan for all of us. god wants us to cherish
life and live to the fullest. to love, to laugh, and know that life
is a gift and to treat it as a fragile as an infant. I thank god to
know the people I have met and loved, and I ache and love those that
I lost. I know that our separation is only temporary and we will be
reunited someday though someday seems forever. I just hope that they
will be angles cheering me on in my corner and shining light on our
guidance through life. I pray for those who are less fortunate, the
sick, the sad, and the evil. I pray that I try not to judge because
there is only one man that I need to worry about that will judge me
and I hope that I will come out of my shell and quit living in fear
but in love of life. I pray for my husband. He is on my mind all
the time and I love him. So far all the news that I have gotten
today has been by phone and the only thing I want is to hug jake and
tell him I love him. I want to tell my mom I love her! without them
I would struggle. they are my light at the end of a long tunnel.
right now my lungs are tight, my face is tight, Ive got the tingling
goose bumps trembling down my left arm. I feel the swelling swarming
my eyes...I deeply sigh and relax. though I still ache I have to
move forward. those are some harsh steps to take but i know it has
to be done. I will encourage my self to hold my head high, be my own
best friend and tell myself that "I love you,and I'm here for you"


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