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2010-10-11 19:08:20 (UTC)

isaac (unfinished)

People say our lives are already written out for us, and we
experience the things we do for a reason. So then, we meet the
people we know for a purpose, and sometimes there’s that one person
who you wish you never met, or that you did, but things could’ve
gone differently, and your whole perspective of life changes all
because of that one extraordinary person.
I remember the first day of my second semester, sophomore year.
The first day of a different life’s start. I was one of the few
early students to arrive early, and my routine on a first day in a
new class, has always been to sit in the very last seat; so there I
was, sitting in the first row closes to the door, in the last seat.
I wasn’t really paying attention to the people walking in who would
be my classmates, I was thinking about my personal miserable life,
too personal to describe, too depressing.
When the last bell rang, signaling that any student who would
come in would be “tardy”, the teacher closed the door and walked
straight to her desk without a word. A few minutes later, he walked
in. Normally, I wouldn’t have bothered to waste my energy on turning
my head, just to watch the person walking in like he was freaking
Narnia, but he slammed the door coming in, and instinct took over.
When my head snapped up towards the student making his way to the
teachers desk, already being yelled at before he had taken 3 steps
towards her, I knew who it was; maybe it was because something in
the very back of my mind told me instantly who it would be, or
because I’d know his physical features anywhere.
His name is, in this story, Isaac. (At the time, Isaac was going
out with my best friend, we’ll call her Jane.) His features are very
hard to forget, he’s about five foot eight, he has three inches
long, curly, golden brown hair that curve like a wave right on top
of his eyes, muscles very similar to heart-throb Zac Effrons, with
a walk like a bad boy ready to embrace any kind of danger that dares
get in his way.
You’d think that my first impression would be something
like, “my heart stopped, and it was as if our first lives were
reveled to us, and as I always knew in my soul, we were once Adam
and Eve the only two people in the world, watching over the kingdom
of our beloved creator.” Well no, it was more like “oh great,
another immature idiot I have to put up with this semester.” The
teacher sat him on the first seat of my row. He walked over to his
seat without a care. As he turned his body, preparing to sit, his
eyes met mine, a chestier cats smile seemed to grow on his face. I
put my head down, not wanting to give him the idea that we could be
the best of friends, and my emotionless face was proof of that. The
rest of that block was a blur.
About two weeks had passed and being put in alphabetical order,
he sat in the same very first seat, in the very first row, and with
my last name being Vasquez, I was put in the last row, which really
didn’t bother me. On that third week we had some random assignment
that had to be done by two people. I guess I should’ve seen it
coming, we were both outcasts in that class, who happened to be the
only two people without a partner, it kind of sounds like faith huh?
He came by my lonely desk, the only other one separated by the
many pairs around it, and shoved his desk so hard that my scared
heart skipped a beat, then he said as if nothing had even
happened, “mind if I join you”, with an almost gentlemen charm. My
reply was plain and simple, “yes, actually I do mind.” “ouch, my
heart”, he said emotionless. After sometime he had my mind too
rapped up on our conversation to get rid of him. He had asked me why
I was so down, his face so filled with concern, and after what
seemed like not that long of an argument, he had convinced me that
he was trustworthy and caring, so I began to preach to him about the
story of my sad pathetic life.
The days weren’t long enough for my life’s stories to be told,
or for our laughs to end, or for my tears to fill in every inch of
fabric on his Aeropostal shirts. I started staying after school to
continue my stories. I would tell my parents that I needed to stay
for “tutorials” just to spend one more hour with him, but honestly
at the time I didn’t know I was falling in love with him, or that he
would be the most important person in my life.
I didn’t think much about his reactions to my stories, I thought
those reactions would be expected from any other person who would
bother to listen. You see, when I spoke, he would listen, really
listen, his eyes would widen and different emotions would cross his
face, always the same ones, sadness, understanding, care, and love,
we were just best friends, and never thought anything more of it.
Then there was that one day that changed our “relationship” for
better or worse, I still can’t decide.
It was a Friday, the first week of February, and my mom had
called me right after school to say that we were going to the lake
with our cousins, and to get straight on the bus. (That morning I
had forgotten my jacket in the cafeteria, yes, because I was talking
with Isaac.) He was there with me when I told my mom, through the
same phone call, that I had lost my jacket. She got mad, and I
cried, I hate crying but I couldn’t help it, I was in depression.
My mother had told me to go check if it was in the lost and
found room, and then to walk with my cousin to his house. I was mad,
and so very frustrated, and the last thing I wanted to do was be
anywhere near that cousin (His name will be Chris). Chris had argued
with me about my friendship with Isaac. He said it was too deep, and
he didn’t like the way Isaac was so “protective” of me, or how he
never left my side, or that Isaac would be with me even though he
had a girlfriend who‘d spend every minute with him if she could. So
it really did not help my mood when, right after I hung up with my
mom, he came towards us with his friend Rick who follows him every
where like a lovesick puppy.
Once Chris saw who was standing not even a foot away from me,
his face filled with rage, and through his glasses, his eyes
flickered with the intensity to kill. He spoke and when he did his
words only fueled the pit of my frustration. In an almost demonic
tone, grinding his teeth together, he said, “ I got a text saying
I’m walking you to the house.” The way he implied the words, made it
sound like I was a hostage, preparing myself for the worst torture,
and that I would feel such horrific pain in the last moments of my
life. “No, I’m gonna go to the lost and found and look for my jacket
then I am walking myself to your house.” I replied, fury building up
in my tired heart. I stepped forward in a hurry to get away from him
before he could make a scene, while Isaac had been waiting for my
move to follow. When I had walked passed only half of his body, he
grabbed my right wrist, intentionally hard, and said, “Your mom said
for me to walk you to my house! And I’m not going to let you leave
somewhere else and get in trouble!” he shouted, glaring at Isaac
towards the end of his sentence with a voice no where near concern
or love. My head exploded with so many evil thoughts that wanted to
shoot out of my mouth to my ex favorite cousin, and honestly at the
time I couldn’t hold all of them back. I pulled my hand out of his
grasp and without even thinking or rehearsing what to say my not so
angelic side spoke for me, “DON’T YOU DARE SAY THAT YOU DON’T WANT
I turned around at the end of my speech, not wanting to let him
speak another word, and ran inside the school. I was trying so hard
to hold the tears in place, but it was like a rubber band was being
stretched inside of me, and when I turned my back on my flesh of
blood the rubber band recoiled itself having been stretched too far,
and everything I held in came out at once.
Isaac pulled me into an embrace once we were inside the school,
trying to calm me down. His muscular arms rapped tightly around me,
I sobbed into his chest, as my hands pulled around his body, lacing
my fingers into each other perfectly on his back, all while I was
still trying so desperately to stop crying.
His hug was so warm, and comforting. Every time I would sob, I’d
inhale his cologne, it was so sweet and mouth watering, and it did a
perfect job at calming me down. Having his body pressed so close to
mine, I was sure that when I got home, my clothing would have his
signature scent all over them. His head bent down to bury itself in
my neck, and I’m sure that, from a distance, we looked like first
When I finally managed to stop my tears from falling, my arms
unwrapped themselves from him, he pulled his arms from my body and
brought his hands up to wipe away the little trails that my tears
had left behind, then he said, with a smile and a tone so soft and
pure, “Come on, lets go wash that pretty face of yours, so we can go
look for your jacket”.
We walked through the hallway and got to the girls restroom in
what felt like a few seconds, I turned to him, ready to have that
awkward “wait here” talk, but he just smiled and nodded towards the
restroom. I walked in and went straight to the sink, not bothering
to care if any one was watching me, and just let the water run for
a little while. I let the water pour down my left hand feeling its
cool soft touch, as I tried to calm myself down. It felt like my
soul was being renewed very slowly, with the soothing touch of H2O.
I knew I didn’t have much time, my parents were expecting us at
my house, and I needed my aunt, the mother of Chris, to drive me
there. So with a sigh, I cupped water in my hands and splashed it
across my face. It felt so very nice, and refreshing. I let it dry
itself away, only wiping away the last drops of water who so
desperately wanted to stay, then I made my way out of the restroom.
As soon as the hallway came into view, he was there right across
from me, leaning against the wall with his leg up behind him, and
his hands were in his pockets. He smiled when he saw me, but I still
couldn’t force my face to show the same results. We were on the
right side of the school where the other exit was welcoming us not
so far away, and we went that way not really thinking of who might
be waiting there, with a lovesick puppy by his side.
My eyes were pointed in the direction of where I was walking,
but I could see from the side of my eyes that his head was pointed
his way but his pupils were on me. It wasn’t in a kind of stockish
way, but in a worried way. Like if he was ready just incase my eyes
would overflow again. Then a turn came up and the exit doors came
into view, along with the monster I still call my cousin, with his
second in command, right on his flanks.
They met us halfway, obviously trying to look like a bunch of
badasses. By the look of his face, I knew he had calmed, but the
rage was there, waiting in the mist. When he opened his mouth, I had
prepared myself for the worst, but I was let down. “I called my mom,
I’m gonna come with you to get your sweater then, I’m gonna walk you
to my house.” he said, almost bored. Despite my efforts I cussed,
and was not so nice. “Forget the damn jacket, and I’m not walking
with you.” the rest of my words were drowned with every bad word in
the book.
Chris waited just watching me, smiling like the evil genius he
is. When I finished my charade, he made a bunch of cracks about me
to Rick, and the other people who had circled us to catch a glimpse
of the show. My secrets were being spilled to a bunch of people I
barely new and some that I didn‘t, but I could careless, it was him
that my attention was focused on. I looked at him the anger gone,
the pit burned out, and just stared at him with an expression that
I’m sure looked broken hearted, after all my heart was already too
tired to begin with. Once he saw the look on me, his face went dead
serious like he knew he‘d gone too far, and the glimpse of that was
all I needed to walk away from him, hoping he felt like the biggest
ass-whole in the world. (Months later I would find out that he was
trashing to his mom about me. And that he had wanted so desperately
to hurt me, because of the fact that I, having turned his words, his
thoughts against him, embarrassed him in front of a person who
thought of Chris as invincible. That made him envy me, and made him
want nothing more than to hurt me to my core.)
Once again my eyes got watery the second I walked away from him.
They didn’t overflow this time, I guess the water did calm me down,
I just wiped them away, and Isaac and I walked in silence to the
front of the gate.
While we were making our way to the prison like exit, my mind
had just gone blank, not wanting to think of anything that
depression could turn into suicidal thoughts. When we got there, I
looked up at Isaac and said in a low murmur, “You don’t have to…”
but he cut me off and said with pride, “ I’m going to walk you
there.” without another word we went.
Our destination wasn’t that far to walk, it just had 2 turns,
but it wasn’t that short.
Something happened inside of me, once the first turn came up, I
started crying my eyes out, almost hysterically. I would cry like
the heavens had fallen, and hell was advancing. Then as quickly as
it came, I would stop, and calm down, but I would start again.
I now why he didn’t try to comfort me. He wanted me to get it
all out of my system, and that didn’t bother me.
As we were passing a Catholic Church, marking the checkpoint to
our destination, I noticed for the first time how tensed Isaacs body
was, like he was trying so hard not to do something, and when I
looked down in an attempt to wipe away my tears, I saw his hands
forced into fists, in the inside of his pockets.
The last turn was coming up, then we’d have to walk a few blocks
to get to the house. I had stopped my hysterical crying, but my eyes
kept insisting to go on. I tried to shut myself down, to just walk
without thinking, but I failed, I felt like nothing, like there was
no need of my being here on earth, as if my life was of complete
unimportance to the world, and I knew what I would think of next.
I looked down at the sidewalk, noticing the cracks in the
pavement, and comparing them to the cracks in my life. I shook my
head trying to shake the thought from my mind. Instead I focused on
the way our feet were moving at the same time on the same foot, but
something in between the street and the sidewalk, caught my eye.
When my eyes adjusted to the shiny green glass, I regretted ever
looking down in the first place. It was a broken beer bottle. The
long neck was attached to the upper part of the bottle and sharp
pointed mountains, but the bottom was no where near it.
Then they came to me so quickly, the thoughts I tried so hard to
keep away. My eyes stayed locked on the broken bottle, wanting it so
badly, my right hand flew up to hold my left wrist, as I tried to
get rid of the thoughts that haunted me. I wanted to feel the glass
press against my skin, I would do anything to be rid of this world,
to leave this life, I’d take any kind of punishment if I had to.
As much as 30 seconds had passed, and Isaac took notice in my
sudden change. I had 2 seconds to turn my eyes away from the thing I
wanted with all my life, but I was too late to hide anything. He
turned back to look at what had caught my attention, all while we
were still walking away from it. When he turned back around, it
didn’t surprise me when he took my left arm in both his warm strong
hands for observation. I hadn’t realized I was grasping my wrist
leaving red finger marks around my throbbing veins. It didn’t take
him long to piece my actions together, when he came up with a
conclusion, he simply placed my arm back at my side, with a sigh.
The last turn came around and we entered the subdivision walking in
dead silence.
He didn’t have to look to know that I was crying again, this
time it was mute. Only this time I was crying for him. I felt bad
for him, having to waste his time walking me to my aunts house, with
me crying my eyes out like the little girl I appear to look like. I
calmed myself down, thinking that he probably would stop hanging out
with me, because of all the drama in my life, and who would want to
hang out with a depressed teenage girl? That sounds like too much
drama for a teenage guys liking.
We crossed two streets passing by so many look-alike houses,
till we found the one that stood out. It was a yellow bricked house,
with a white gate barricading the front door and window. There was a
little pillar a few steps before the door, and in the middle of that
was a camera, specifically for the purpose of catching a thief or
littering, the cameras footage goes straight to a TV located in my
aunts room, where I was sure she would be waiting.
Already on that side of the street, we walked up into the
parking lot right next to the old, rusty, non-working, classic
Camaro car that belonged to Chris, where the camera was directly
pointed at.
I turned myself around to look at him, and was ready for just a
goodbye. I wasn’t hoping there’d be one of those love scene moments
you see in movies like in The Last Song, when Ronnie is telling off
Will for being a player, and he turns her around and they share
they’re first passionate kiss with him saying that she
was “different” than the other girls. So it surprised me when once
again Chris pulled me into a very tight embrace.

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