cachaemic

Lasta lalaithamin
2010-10-06 08:02:50 (UTC)

Allow me to Exaggerate a memory or two.


i don't know what's happening.

it's like, i look at someone and they're not good enough.
and then i'm not good enough.
and it's an awful circle.

i binge and purge, binge and purge.
then i hate that i purge, so i go out and excersise.
but i still look the fucking same, so i hate myself.

and there's some pain, a slight burning but cold sensation, but it
never lasts long enough, so there's more.

i should tell someone. i should tell HIM.
he'd want to know, but he wouldn't understand. there's no way i can
tell him without awkward questions, and i'm just not prepared to
answer them, so i won't.

and then there's HIM.
he used to care, but he doesn't anymore. our conversations used to
have meaning, now they don't.
i hate that.

but i sort of float away, detached.
it's weird, knowing that i care, and yet at the same time not caring
at all.

i'm in a bad place.
everything's a trigger, nothing's working, Parents still force.

why?
who can fucking say, all i know is that if something doesn't happen
soon, i'm going to be seriously fucked up.
someone's going to find out. and now the person that i talk to about
it refuses to listen.

What led me into here, again?
nevermind, i'm here now. that's not going to change.




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