sarah.kate

Teenage life
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2010-09-29 04:36:29 (UTC)

What killed my brother

Do you wanna know what killed my brother? My mom. No, she did
actually take a gun and kill him, she killed him with the past. So
at age 17 my brother was dianogsed with bipolar,which i am also.
Because my brother was bipolar he went into a teenage depression, so
my brother was always sad. At 1st we thought it was because of a
girl who he liked alot and this girl toyed with him, that caused his
death. but later I found out(when i say I found out i mean i am the
only one that still knows.) that is was my mom. My brother committed
suicided on October 14, 2007. This was the worst day of my life
scratch that the worst month of my life. I cryed for WEEKS straight,
i sat in his room in his bed with the lights off,holding his pillow
and cryed. When i was first told he was dead i couldnt beleive it. I
didnt wanna think it was true. I couldnt. he was my brother and he
was dead. It wasnt true. no. but it was. There was nothing i could
do, he was gone, and i was never going to see him agian. It was 3
months later that i was just starting to get over the fact that i
wasnt ever going to see him agian, i had to get back to life. it was
then i was cleaning up my brothers room when i looked into his
drawer and there was a note to me with the date October 14, 2007.
Just looking at the note i started to cry. I didnt know weather to
open it or not, but i did. As im reading it i hit my knees and start
to ball crying. It said " Dear Sarah, I just wanted to let you know
i love you so much. You mean the whole world to me. I know by the
time your reading this i have probly been gone for a couple of
months, because i know you and you havent been in my room for a
while. but the reason i am writing this to you is to tell you the
reason i am gone. but you have to promise to never tell anyone this.
The thing that killed me was mom. i woke up this morning im my usal
depressed mood, and i dont know it just wasnt my day. and then all
of the sudden dad texted me and told me i was grounded and this just
made it worse and next thing i know im sitting there thinking about
the past, and BOOM it hit me. You probaly dont remember this but
there was a time when mom held a knif to her throat and said im
going to kill myself, because of you colby. This image kept running
through my head till i finally deicded it was time to go, so i
walked in to the kitchen and took a bunch of pills, right now i am
waiting for something to happen, i just wanted you to know the truth
and that i love you oh so very much and that one day you will grow
up to do great things. like you always said when you were
younger "im gunna be famous one day" haha, well i love you so much
sarah and i need you to get over the fact that im not here anymore,
because i am here. i am in your heart. forever and always Colby."
So now you know the story of what killed my brother. I just wanted
to write this in loving memory of colby j.


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