christina

miss christina
2010-09-26 23:05:35 (UTC)

wonders

im wondering what this time has come to that i dont even
know where to begin any more. i have sat back and just kept
my peace but this time is different from the rest. the i
love you are not there for me anymore. Its not about how
someone feels about me it is about the fact that i have
tried to give them my everything and it is never enough.
each day that passes by i sit and wonder how long it will
take me to build up that wall again. it was knocked down for
a reason and that i do not know. i have tried to pray to god
and ask him for the strength to make it though the next day.
I have found that it hurts more when i dont say anything but
when i do im just sayin the same thing over and over to them
so they say. so how must it hurt to just keep my mouth shut
a never say anything i dont want to hurt any more and im
tired of all the pain that i feel each day when i look into
her eyes that i know that the feeling will never be the
same. its just a fucking game. im no longer involved and i
just have to learn to not care. i had a dream and a hope
that one day i would be with her and i dreamed that i could
share her family. the dream has been shattered by the
actions of who cares. i have turned again to drinking to
solve my problems and im not going to go back down that
road. i have come to far to let the girl set me back. must i
try and fail or can i just fail? it is not my time in the
world for me to be happy. i have tried and failed. and once
again i have picked myself back up from the floor and tried
again. im here on the floor wanting to be next to you but
that is not for me to decied. i have come to realize that if
she wants me in her life she will make room for me. i will
no longer be a burden i will be a priotry. im in love and i
will be okay