ashwriter101

Journal of a Jedi Padawan
2010-09-26 05:27:19 (UTC)

Do Unto Others As You Would Want ANYONE To Do To You

Well, lately Lane has been having some problems like I did.
"I need you to watch me and make sure I'm not doing
something stupid. I have foreseen lots of the dark side with
him in my head and the horrors where quite shocking. I
learned he may also have been responsible for my fathers
death, and that is painful but I will not fall and I need
you as fellow Jedi to stick with me," he asked us all.
Starlor, Byrec,and I nodded in agreement. "Alix. A word in
private, please."
Once Lane and I were away from the others I asked, "What
is it, Lane?"
"This may not be easy but you may have to take me out if
things go wrong. However with you by my side I will get
through knowing the reason for my fathers death," he smiled.
So basically, if he was driven insane, I was to kill him.
"Things won't go wrong, I know it. I'll do what I can to
help, Lane, you know that. Tell me what you saw, when you
feel ready," I prodded gently. He was more open than others
I've known and that was good for him. Whatever got us
through the night.
"I saw death, destruction, pain, and suffering.... I saw
Omni beating a young girl and executing Jedi prisoners," he
explained.
"I was hoping of all the things you saw... you wouldn't
see any of that. Death, destruction, pain, and suffering.
They are all the ways of the dark side. That is why so many
people fear us. They are afraid we will cause all that. I
remember those prisoners too. One of them was my friend.
You're not alone in these thoughts. I'll help you though," I
smiled comfortingly, avoiding the young girl as much as
possible.
"The young girl was you, wasn't it? What he was doing was
awful. It was the only way I think he thought he could beat
me," Lane realized. I nodded.
"It was simply his form of training. It was if I failed
training, to get me mad, to make me break... ect. It hurt,
sure. Especially to a little girl who couldn't defend
herself. So, yes, it was me. Once. Everything he tried
failed until the marks. But, you live and you learn. Never
be your evil uncle's apprentice. And I'm not surprised he
didn't beat you with it," I said staring off into space,
remembering dark memories.
"Well it backfired on him. Because all it did was make me
see what would happen if I failed," he paused. Then looked
at me with a soft look in his eyes. "I could feel your pain
and suffering, Alix. I also saw when he made your marks," he
murmured softly.
"You never would have failed. I could see it. And I hoped
you wouldn't. I was wanting you to see the stronger side of
me and not the suffering.... I don't remember when he gave
me the marks much though," I lied.
"I have seen the stronger side of you. The things he
showed me were very hard to see. He showed me the stuff he
made you do against the Jedi and others, but I knew I had to
destroy him. You are free now and together we can make sure
the galaxy is safe," he smiled reassuringly.
"One without a weakness though. Hurting others hurt more
than the "training" he had me do. And yes, I am thanks to
you. And I thought... once you had destroyed him... you had
to leave because your destiny was fulfilled. Oh, not that I
want you to or I'm telling you! Just... I'm curious," I
shrugged.
"Your right that was my destiny. But with so few Jedi
left, I think its a good idea to stick together. Anyway at
the moment I couldn't leave in this condition. How many Jedi
did he have you destroy," I flinched as he asked that.
"Now that is an idea I agree with. And.... honestly? I
lost count after 58.... I hated myself for it too. Let me
see that. I can sooth the pain." I then used a healing like
trick to numb his wound and then I soothed it with calming
energy. "With so much death, I learned to heal. I healed 36
of those I killed, in secret, or at least tried. Most never
made it."
"58? That is a lot," Lane mused.
I whispered sadly, "I know 58 is a lot and it killed me
after a while." I looked down. "I think of how sorry I am
every night, and sorry doesn't seem to be enough. Come on,
we'd better not keep them waiting." The dark truth hurts to
say worse than it is to hear.
"It wasn't your fault Alix. You couldn't have helped it.
You have helped bring about the end of Darth Omni, so you
have been redeemed," Lane reasoned. I knew more of the truth
but I had hoped not to tell him.
"I know I could've though! And thanks," I smiled,
thanking him for the comfort and the listening ear.
"Alix, I've seen the vision about how you got the marks.
You were only 8. There's no way you could have stopped Omni.
He tortured you and that hurt me to see that. Its was not
your fault. Like you said, once the marks started to glow
they took control of you. Its not your fault," he repeated.
"I know it hurt you to see it and it was a faint memory I
never wanted anyone else to know. But yeah, there was a way
and I knew it the whole time. But I didn't and it is my
fault. Lets just leave it at that," I argued.
Just then Lane told me to get Starlor and Byrec and the
droids. I nodded and left. Once I was out of the room, he
dropped to the floor. "Ahhhhh! Get out of my head! This is
EXCRUCIATING," Lane screamed. I ran back in. He looked up,
his head had been in his hands, and it looked like tears had
already fallen or were about to. "Alix, help me," he
pleaded. Without any second of hesitation, I ran beside him,
placed my hand on his forehead, and pushed away the bad
thoughts for a while.
"Is that any better," I asked, looking him in the eyes,
trying to see if he was okay.
"Yes thank you, this is going to drive me crazy if I cant
stop it. OK Byrec, just to inform you are now a Jedi
General, and will have a battalion of troops to command. R7
need you to run a scan on my fighter. And Alix, you are to
be made a Jedi Master. R9 you are to keep that on record,"
Lane said. I personally think he made it up quickly. He just
wanted me to leave for a second. But I was moving up rapidly.
"I think I may be of some help. Maybe, just maybe, I
could.... no, never mind. Too dangerous. And what about
you," I asked.
"What were you going to say? I'm already a Master, Alix,
one of now only two left in the galaxy," he answered.
"I'm not sure if I should tell you just yet, but I hate
to see you like this. A few years back, I was having
nightmares about the dark side, my marks, and Omni. My
mentor said he could help and clear the memories and help.
He did it once but Omni just placed the memories back. But
since he isn't here.... The thing is, I've never done it
before and you'd have to access me to all of your thoughts
and memories. Its too dangerous so I thought you won't let me."
"I think you should, Alix," he said,trying to hide his
desperation.
"You sure? I don't know exactly how. I have only the
basics. I honestly should never have told you. But, if you
are in so much pain and if you need me to, I can try," I
shrugged honestly. I had doubts and he needed to know the
risks, like what Nydo told me.
"OK, well, if your not sure then maybe we should leave
it. I think with your help and the others sticking by me, I
can overcome these problems," he smiled faintly. He was sad
now.
"Alright, and Lane?"
"Yes, Alix?"
"Know that you aren't alone and I'm here for you. You can
get through this, but if you ever feel you cant....
Truthfully I know I can erase the memory. Let me know if you
truly want me to," I lied. He was in so much pain it looked
physical. I hated to see anyone I'm friends with like that.
"Thank you, Alix and I will. There is one interesting
thing that I seem to have detected from all this stuff he
put in my head, though," Lane mused.
"And what would that be?"
"I detected his good side. He was in conflict with in
himself towards the end."
"He had a good side? I've been trying to see it,
believing that no one is pure evil, but I never found it."
Guess that makes me a hypocrite, huh?
"Oh, it was there. But he couldn't get out. He showed it
towards the end. Now, I thought you should hear that the
good part did have an apology for you."
"An apology? I hate to say this, but after all these
years can I really believe that?"
"Only you can make that choice Alix. Now I'm beginning to
feel a little better," Lane smiled. Shortly after, we were
told his mother was alive. I sent a unit to Corellia to
bring her back, with Byrec and Starlor in charge. Thats when
he told me of the New Order and me being leader.
Then today, I woke him up and got him to the bridge. He
was eager to hear about the mission though. "You'll find out
about it soon enough, Lane. Right now, someone wishes to see
you." I smile and stepped out of the way as Lane's mother
stepped up.
Lane stood in awe. He was unable to hide his joy and it
showed. He smiled broadly and his eyes lit up. He hadn't
seen her since he was ten. I expected it. But I was slightly
mad because I had never seen Obi Wan and I couldn't show
emotion, but I let him. Well hey, why not let Lane have his
dreams come true? "Mother! I never thought I would see you
again! I thought you were gone after the attack on Endor,"
he smiled. I could tell he wanted to hug her or kiss her on
the cheek or be held by her. He wanted to be loved again. It
was really sweet actually. He tried to calm down and focus
on the mission.
"I was captured by the forces that attacked us on Endor
and escaped with the help of some Corellian special forces.
I was unable to let you know because it would have put you
at risk," Lane's mom explained. Her voice rang sweetly like
a soft bell. And her brown curls danced bye her deep and
colorful brown eyes. She looked well taken care of, thats
for sure.
"I understand, mother. I just cant believe you are here,"
Lane exclaimed with tears rolling down his face. Lane soon
sent his mom off to rest from the travel and listened to the
end of the report. That was always my least favorite.
Shortly after, he wanted me to find information on getting
Coruscant back.
I'm stopping it here. Sorry guys! And girls. And droids.
And weird alien things that are reading this. But I've been
packing and cleaning all day and I am tired. Its late too.
But I may not be able to post for a week, due to no signal.
Sorry! Night, bye, and may the Force be with you.




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