forrealzkaitlyn

Kaitlyn'sJournal
2010-09-26 04:09:47 (UTC)

Why's life going backwards?!

Everything was picture perfect. But of course that all
changed eruptly. I mean of course it all went to shit,
that's my life, why would anything just stay in the good,
if not decent area, when it could be down right fucking
shitty?! Why should any of my relationships stay good? I
mean of course its better to watch me sit and be annoyed
that Gilad doesn't talk to me and plays poker instead. Of
course its better watching me lie about headaches then
confront Gilad about how much I'm upsest. Of course its
better to see me very annoyed at my boyfriend and him in
return getting mad at me because he was playing poker (of
course) and not talking to me for 30min. Of course its
better to see us play fucking games online then fucking
talk like how we used to. Of course its better to have
Kaitlyn cry every night because everythings going to shit
again. Of course Kaitlyn just can't seem to keep anything
remotely how she got it. Of course Kaitlyn has to be the
first one to say "I love you" or "I miss you" and Gilad
doesn't even hear it or he just doesn't care. Of course
its 3 weeks on Monday since the last time I saw you, yet
you haven't told me you miss me. Of course everythings
shit because I found a really nice thing to have and life
just has to fucking ruin everything. Of course I want to
go slit my wrists, take off my bracelets and go about my
day wishing and hoping my parents would see the cuts and
scars and scream at the top of my lungs that this is all
their fault! That they've made me want to kill myself for
the past five years. That I have way too many scars that I
just want to cut them out of my body, which would make an
even bigger scar. Of course I can't tell you that I've
been cutting myself because I'm such a fucking coward. Of
course I can't tell you shit because I'm terrifeid that
your going to punch me again and hold to your threats and
never stop until I'm dead. Of course I don't love you guys
anymore and I rely only on people that I'm not related to
because Mommmy calls me an idiot and a miserable bitch,
Daddy never says shit to my face, Alyssa sits and talks to
Stepheny about how I'm such a whore and she's trying to
keep me from getting pregnent, Elaina's just always
upstaging me not matter what and Gregory's always trying
my patience. I hate all of you so much its fucking insane.
If I died today would you be surprised? Would you finally
see how its all your fault? Go to hell all of you because
I can't stand living in this house. I'm about ready to
explode. I'm a time bomb now. When I will detinate, no one
knows....




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