Starrix Tigerlily

Hope, Lies, and Magick
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2010-09-25 06:43:08 (UTC)

Poway High

Dear Diary,
"Let's go all the way tonight, no regrets, just love. We
can dance until we die, you and I will be young forever!
You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream the way
you turn me on, I can't sleep, let's run away and don't
ever look back, don't ever look back."
Lately, Katy Perry's Teenage Dream is relating to me
more than I thought was physically possible. I get kind of
depressed when I hear this song, and kind of happy. It
really makes me reflect. "You and I will be young
forever!" I kind of take that in the sense that no matter
how old we get, Andrew, Mikaela, Kelly, Urte, Damian- no
matter where we go or what we do we've touched one
another's lives, like a raindrop spatters on the
windowshield. Even when it's smeared off, it leaves a
streak, an imprint on your life, and whether you notice it
or not, it'll always be there.
My throat closes when I think of growing up. Kelly,
Urte, Mikaela and I won't be trolling the halls in our
little clique. Andrew and I won't be able to glare at
Damian and Josh. We'll all have colleges and jobs and
lives. But we won't be able to hook up after Spanish and
take spontaneous trips to Jamba Juice, we won't be having
slumber parties, no nothing.
And then maybe one day I'll have children. That kind of
scares me too, because they'll have to go through what I
did, the fear of growing and changing. I'll be dead before
I see my children's children's children, which is a weird
thought. I won't ever see my great-grandchildren, or
probably not. I won't live to see flying cars and real-
life animations. I'll live in remembrance of Mikaela,
Urte, Keaton, Josh, Taylor, Damian, Andrew, Kelly, Korie,
and all the other people that make up my day.
I never want to leave Poway High, ever. As much as I
bitch about school I truly love it here. Even if I came
back a teacher it would never be the same.
This is what that song makes me think about. But the
horrible part is the last part, "Don't ever look back." I
think I'm more afraid than ever to forget my friends and
my teachers and everyone. Poway High is my favorite place,
and I'm crying now. I hate this, I shouldn't be
concentrating on leaving, but how can you not dread
something as terrible as leaving your friends and
teachers? Oh, please, please never let me forget Urte's
chocolate milk eyes, or Kelly's strait brown-blonde hybrid
hair, or Mikaela's smile.
I'll never forget Mikaela. If I forget everyone else
it's not as bad as losing memory of her. OH, Mikaela,
Mikaela. I know she's leaving for greener pastures, she
gets amazing grades and is going to leave me in college,
but it doesn't mean my heart already misses her.
Today on the bus we were doing a drill, and when he let
us back on the bus he said, "Okay, go" do the group while
Mikaela and I were still struggling down the hall. We both
went, "SHIT!" as we were trampled.
Please never let this go away. I want to die before I
leave here.

Lots of Love,
Starrix Tigerlily