- s o u l

music's innovations .
2010-09-25 09:32:53 (UTC)

again and again . .

"say my name, say my name, say my stupid name, it's stupid
how we always seem to do it again."


ah, today went well.. i had people (a fifth grader?) to
compliment me on my art this morning on the bus on the way
to school, one of my "friends" paid for me to go to a pep
rally, and i went to the homecoming football game with my
other friend, who i actually consider my best friend.

for the first time in some weeks, probably months, i felt..
good. like, everything was alright.. but only for a couple
of hours though, because the game started at seven thirty
and ended at light ten thirty. so that's three hours of
emotional freedom!

i saw my ex there (the one that wants to go back out with
me). of course, he's gonna be there. he's in the marching
band. and when me and my best friend were walking to look
for my best band buddy, one of my guy friends on the
marching band wsa like, "you lookin' for someone?" and then
he started laughing. ha, very funny. but no, seriously, i
don't get it. why would he laugh? did my ex talk to HIM
about it? HA, now that's hilarious!

anyway, i got what i wanted to do today. i had fun. and for
some three, free hours, i liked it. hopefully, i can do
something like this again. --oh yeah! that was the home
coming football game, so OF COURSE, there's going to be the
other homecoming thing next month. i can go to that, and try
to have fun again. and oh yeah, my team lost at the game.
yeah, fourteen to seven. and i'm not even a sports person to
know that my team sucks. they couldn't kick the ball. they
could run though, but.. they need some certain improvement.

and speaking of improvement, could this be an improvement in
myself? or in trying to find myself? this sudden emotion of
freedom? i think it kinda is.

a new way to discover myself.. is this one pure? i highly
doubt it. UGH! i need to stop doubting stuff! it's one of
the bad traits i have that i need to get rid off somehow.

and so, remember how i said on how i flirt with guys, get
them to like me, and ask me out and i don't know how i got
into these situations?

yeah. i got into that situation, AGAIN. two days ago,
precisely.

and this time, i said hell naw! ha, nah, i'm not mean. i
just told him i didn't want him to ask me yet, that's all.
so maybe, he might even ask me later. and he's a cute, dorky
guy.. and i like that. ha ha. and besides, when i want to be
in a relationship, i'll be in one! no one can rush me in my
OWN decisions!

and BAM, there it is! my road to self-discovery has probably
already began! or maybe it's just me trying to tell myself
that i better prepare..

so, once again, my road is clear. it's bright, easy, and
full of all the shit that makes you happy. again, and again,
it's always gonna be clear. but no one ever said this road
was easy to find.


[ Again and Again - The Bird and the Bee ]




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